Feeling inadequate... (Transfered from older blog)

( Written on Wednesday, 09 November 2005)

It's part of the walk on the path of learning the way of martial arts. It is those moments when you feel the embarassment of not understanding, of missing the moment, of getting slammed by your opponent, of making a serious mistake. 

Each person handles these moments in a different way. I've seen people get upset and angry.  I've seen people get sorrowful. I've seen people laugh it off, and not take it seriously. We each handle those moments in our own individual ways based on our personality, and perceptions.

What I do in those moments when I feel inadequate: I feel a surge of inner negative self-image messages, and I have to fight an inner battle to allow myself  the right to continue permitting myself the time to learn, cope, and succeed.  These messages have no words, but are centered in feelings of "who" I am as a martial artist..  I feel lesser than what I should be which brings me to feelings of not being worthy of attempting what I am trying to learn.  The battle within my mind starts anew, and I remind myself that I am farther today than I was 3 years ago on this path which gives me hope that one day I will succeed in that which I struggling with at this moment. I place the balm of the idea that I can only do my best effort.  I ask myself "Am I putting forth my fullest effort here?" (The answer is always "yes".)  "Then I can do no more than that right now.. One day I will understand the concept that is being taught, I only need to keep on trying."


It feels very frustrating though.. especially when I can feel that all it would take is to move my body the way that I see Sensei doing it.  I can feel that I have the capability within me, but that I don't know how to apply it yet.  I can recognize what is happening, but I can't put it into motion in myself.  This is so similar to when I started learning to read.  I could recognize letters on the buildings as we drove past the buildings downtown.  "OH!  That is a "k"! and an "a"!"  I would stare at the word on the building trying to read what it said in those few seconds that I had as we drove past, and away from it.  Now, as an adult, I barely have to glance at the word to know that it says "Bank", but then, when I was a child, I never understood fully what the word meant.

The frustration within me is even worse since I have the inner pressure of the responsibility of being an example to those who are leaning on me for direction. During my short experiences in the dojo there have been moments when I have felt the eyes of other students relying on me to provide them with a cue as to what we are supposed to do in response to Sensei's commands.  I knew that if I did the right response.. the whole dojo would click into proper position, but if I make a mistake.. that mistake would be echoed throughout the dojo as all the other students would imitate my error, and emphasize it even louder.  At these moments I remember fondly the time when I was a white belt, and I felt like I was doing quite well in my karate.  In fact, I remember feeling stronger, faster, and more knowledgeable that the higher belts because Sensei didn't correct me as much as them.  Sensei would correct only this little thing, or that little thing on me while the higher belts had a LIST of "to be worked on" items.  Little did I know then how much was missing in my performance.. and thank goodness that I didn't have a clue, or I would have dropped the art of karate, and went to go learn needlepoint. 

I am willing to allow myself to look, and feel inadequate.  I accept that I make major mistakes, and feel the embarrasment of not living up to my own standards.  I admit that I do not know my karate as well as I would like because this is fertile ground towards growing.  A farmer's field is not automatically ready for planting seeds.  First the farmer has to remove weeds, large stones, roots, sticks, etc. before the seed can be planted.  If I do not admit to my mistakes, and look at them honestly, then how can I be aware of them, and fix them so that I can improve?  I have to be honest enough, and humble enough with myself to accept that doing mistakes is part of the path of martial arts.  I have to have the fortitude to do what it takes to remove the things within me that are contributing to the mistakes no matter how insurmountable the problem seems. Lastly, I have to have the patience with myself to give me time to learn.  It took me a good 12 years of constant effort to be able to communicate in my own language effectively.  I have only been training in the arts for a few months of my life.. I've got to give myself a chance.

Add-on: Today, I can remember feeling this so strongly, but I have matured in my ability to handle mistakes, and inadequacies. I accept them as part of my learning. One cannot gain any skill without making mistakes at first. For example, coloring.. we all colored outside of the lines when we started learning how to color. Walking: We all had to build up on our skills, crawling, holding furniture, losing balance.. It's part of the fact that we are human.. and it's a beautiful aspect of learning, because we can rejoice in the little successes. Today I can do a downblock, 4 years ago, I couldn't.

How much caffeine?

It was refreshing to just focus on doing my techniques instead of fighting with my painful cramping leg muscles. Good! Now I know that, for my body, I will need to bring down the level of caffeine in my diet to as close to nothing as possible.

According to research, children can handle up to 45 mg of caffeine without an effect on their system. ( This is the equivelant of 1 cup of cola, or a chocolate bar.) I'm going to attempt to keep the caffeine in my diet to below 10 mg per day. This might be quite easy because there are many caffeine free alternatives available.

Just to compare:

A cup of coffee has about 100 mg of caffeine. Decaffeinated coffee has 4 mg.

A cup of hot cocoa has 4 mg. A chocolate bar has up to 30 mg.. it depends on the type of bar, and how many other things are added to it.

Chocolate milk has 8 mgs. Cola has about 40 mg.

Knowledge allows me to make choices that will support my health. I have found out this week that I prefer to drink Peppermint tea (which contains 0 mg) over coffee anyway.

One of the most surprising things that I have learned is that certain soda pop that I would THINK would have no caffeine has up to 44-55 mg in it.. for example, Mountain Dew, Sunkist Orange, A&W Creme Soda. What an eye-opener for me! I never thought that I'd find caffeine in those drinks!

To link this with karate, I believe that lowering the amount of caffeine in my diet will support my efforts as a student. My body will be less "stressed" out because it will be working at normal speed instead of hyper turbo-powered caffeine speed. Also, I will not have the need to go to the washroom as often during class so I'll be able to train more, getting the most of my time in the dojo. :-)

Caffeine and Karate

I learned a rather big lesson in my path of training in Martial arts.

I had been suffering from muscle cramps as I trained. As soon as I'd go into stance my leg muscles would cramp up painfully not giving me any power, or focus. I'd pull out of stance, and then lower back in trying to force my muscle to respond. There were times when the muscles would just give out entirely.

One day, my efforts at class was a real eye-opener as I struggled with my calf muscles all through class trying to keep Sanchin stance. Always one to look for solutions rather than focus on problems, I researched information about cramping during exercise on the internet.

The source of cramping of muscles is a mystery to the scientists. They found that certain things can cause the painful contractions: dehydration, muscle fatigue, hypothyroidism, depletion of magnesium/calcium, etc. As I read the list of things that contribute to cramps I was surprised to find Caffeine listed as something that contributes to this problem. Gee! Caffeine is in almost every pleasurable treat I can think of, colas, coffee, and chocolate cake. It's found in most soda pops. Caffeine is used by athletes for the fact that this drug will enhance their physical performance by strengthening muscle contractions, lessening the feeling of fatigue, and helping enhance mental focus. How many people do I know who need their morning cup of coffee to wake them up in the morning? To my greatest surprise I learned that "The International Olympic Committee (IOC) presently lists caffeine as a banned substance.  It is difficult to believe that a substance consumed by over 75% of Americans everyday, is placed in a category, which includes harmful drugs such as steroids and cocaine.  Urinary test above 12mg/liter (8 cups of coffee) is perceived by the IOC as a deliberate attempt by an athlete to gain an advantage on the competition." I read about the list of side effects of caffeine on my system with a sinking feeling. In addition to a whole bunch of other symptoms, I read something that affected my karate directly... " For athletes, caffeine has more disastrous effects that may affect performance.  These side effects include muscle tightness, muscle cramping, and dehydration." AAARGH! These are harsh words for someone whose main enjoyment after a day of stress is to sit down to a hot cup of coffee, or a cold glass of cola. Especially when I was facing a very stressful time in my life, I would turn to my calming cup of cola to give me a boost. I felt a sense of calmness, and release come over me when I drank those beverages. Sure.. of course I felt that.. I was addicted to the caffeine boost.

Reality, and humility set in. I had to chose.. Was I going to try to keep my addiction even though I know that caffeine was affecting my body so harshly that I couldn't perform my karate at my best? This is where I had to place the power of my will over the wants of my body. I chose health over addiction. HARD choice! The first day I suffered from that constant inner hunger of a body calling out for what it thinks it needs. The next days I felt the effects of detoxification, the shuddering, the heaviness, the headaches, the stomachaches, etc. etc. I was going through withdrawal, and I knew it. I recognized it. I became irritable with myself, and others, and I felt weak. I learned that it will take about a week to cleanse my body of the side effects of withdrawal, and even longer to remove the negative effects that caffeine has done to me. However, the exercise and training of karate helped immensely. I felt better after each class. I believe that is because exercises releases positive chemicals in your system. This summer I have had cramps in my legs at very infrequent moments. The slight "complaining" cramps are few, short, and not as harsh. I can recuperate from them quickly, and continue training right away.


It's amazing how caffeine has such a nasty effect on our system, and yet is such a main beverage in our society. Why do we do such things to ourselves? People are very confusing.

These are some of the websites wherein I found some information in case you are interested in doing some research yourself: http://www.faqs.org/faqs/caffeine-faq/ http://www.vanderbilt.edu/AnS/psychology/health_psychology/caffeine_sports.htm http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003193.htm

Responsibility

I find that a deeper level of responsibility occurs as you get older, and more experienced in martial arts.

No longer does your training focus only on yourself.. Well to be honest, yes, you have to think of yourself first, but to do this you have to build up the dojo around you, also. What good does it do to find out that you managed to surpass everyone, but are standing all alone.

I was told by my first Sensei that his attic is full of medals, and trophies gathering dust. The memories, and experiences of those successes are treasured, but the glory has faded to be replaced by the newer champion of this year.

What is most valuable are those relationships that we create through our efforts. It's true that we do not attend a karate dojo to make friends. If we want to meet friends, there are many better places to get to talk to others, share the same interests, and get to know each other than when you are facing someone, and punching at them. However, something happens to a group of people when they train together.. a unity among those who have faced the same challenge and surmounted it. We learn to support, and help each other to achieve our goals. Not necessarilly classified as friendship, but definitely something more than just a passing acquaintance.

What is a karate dojo? Is it the place that it is held? I don't think so.. I've trained with my dojo in church basements, school gyms, even on a field in a city park. As long as we were willing to meet Sensei there, he was willing to teach. Is the dojo the students that train there? No.. I don't think it's that neither.. because the students attend, or do not attend, depending on their life demands. The faces that show up in class each week can change tremendously. I would have to guess that the dojo is the heart of the Sensei. He/she creates the opportunity, the expectations, and the place wherein karate will be done.

Going back to the thought that there is the amazing quality of unity expressed among the members of a dojo.. This unity MUST be from the efforts of the Sensei working towards that goal. He or she is relying on his/her Sempai to carry the same attitudes, and values. As I think about what a wondrous International world-encompassing spread of the Martial arts styles that have been created into existance by Sensei Gichin Funakoshi, Sosai Masutatsu Oyama, Sensei Chogun Miyagi, and others., I am entranced by how positive a person they must have been to be able to inspire so many different cultures of people to search for unity, improvement, and peace through their art.

Thoughts about push ups

What a challenge this simple exercise can be if you are willing to allow it!

I started off kissing the floor, and feeling my arms shaking with the effort of trying to lift my body. I was unable to do one proper push up..even from my knees. Each class I found that I could do a few more.. until finally I was able to get a good 10 push ups in a row. Normal ones. I was quite satisfied with myself.. Ah.. but there are a variety of push ups to entertain us with.. Inclined push ups, on one's wrists, on the knuckles, clapping push ups, fingertip push ups.. and more.

It's hard to believe that something as simple as lifting yourself up off the ground can be SO difficult.

I've learned some amazing facts about push ups.. World records:

-Non stop: 10,507; Minoru Yoshida (JAP), Oct 1980
-Most in 1 hour: 3,877; Bijender Singh (IND), 20 Sept 1988
-Most in10 minutes (women): 426; Renata Hamplová (TCH),
-Rekord-Klub SAXONIA Record Festival in Schwedt, 2 Sept 1995 One-armed,
- On back of hands, one hour: 441; Bruce Swatton (GBR), 12. May 2003
- With hands on raw eggs: 112; Johann Schneider (AUT) (They have a video available on the site to see how he did it)
- Finger-tips, 5 hours: 8,200; Terry Cole (GBR), 11 May 1996 in Walthamstow

Taken from : http://www.recordholders.org/en/list/pushups.html

Wow! What people are capable of accomplishing with training, and perserverence. Here I am happy when I can do my limited amount of push ups... ah but then I aspire only to be the best that I can be.. and not to outdo anyone but myself. Sometimes, when I'm training at home, my little children will come up and ask to ride Mommy's back when I'm doing push ups. They almost stand in line as if they are waiting for a carnival ride. I start from the 6 year old, and work upwards to the 12 year old. I have to give them only 10 push ups elevator rides each.. and by the end of that.. I barely can move. But you should see the look of joy on their faces that they were able to sit on their mom like that.. ha ha ha..

Quality remains true

I've learned a very important lesson this week. Earlier this year, I was leaving my home dressed in my gi, and a gentleman just happen to be walking up my front walk to deliver some flyers. He smiled at my outfit, and asked casually "Which art?" After I answered, he said "Oh yes.. I did martial arts in my youth... oh but that was ages ago.. a good 30 years ago.. but I still remember how to do a side kick.." He went into a lovely horse stance, and delivered a beautiful true side kick. His body flowed with the kick.. and you could see that there was so much skill in him. We shared a few seconds of mutual appreciation of how powerful a side kick can be during sparring when unexpected. We then parted ways. I've never met the gentleman again, but I will always remember him.

I remember one day when I was training at the dojo, I looked more closely at one of the recent additions to our club. He was a Shodan from another country who had JUST joined us. He admitted to me that he has not trained for a good 20 years, and that these were his first classes since then. I had not been able to witness him doing kata before because I was training, and usually too busy with my own performance. However, these were the moments before class when students were warming up. The new Shodan was doing Heian Shodan (Pinan sono ichi).. and I watched him with admiring eyes. What quality! His body did the basics with smoothness, and familiarity. At the end of the kata, I admitted sheepishly to him that I was watching him closely not because I wanted to correct him, but more because I would like to imitate the quality of his movements. I was rewarded with a big smile, and he explained that when he was young and trained in karate, most of his training was basics. The basics training has stayed with him. Making a Gedan berai is as natural as picking up a pencil and writing his name. I learned from this experience.

Quality remains true.. When you train in basics, those mindless repetitious tsuki, geri, and uke.. you are building the important part of your art. In fact, Kihon becomes MORE important than all the other aspects of training.. it is what stays with you. Isn't it ironic though? Because most of the students that I've met really dislike the "boring" part of doing the Kihon Geiko, and Ido geiko. If they knew how important it was to creating a quality karate-ka out of them perhaps they would appreciate that aspect of training more. No.. I guess not.. my kids do not like vegtables no matter how much you explain to them how healthier it is to eat them.

Never enough

It took me almost 3 years of training, but I've learned something important to my training. My Sensei will never be satisfied with my performance. If I can do 5 push ups, then he will ask for 10. If I succeed at 10, then he will ask for 20. If I reach the limit of my body, wherein it struggles to just survive, then he will ask for "one more". I realized that this is the job of a Sensei.. to pull the most out of the student, and to break the perceived limitations that chain us to only doing what makes us comfortable. A Sensei has to pull the student out of their comfort zone, and show that it is possible to achieve beyond expectations. Also, the Sensei has to be alert to signs of distress, and overtraining. It isn't good for one's health to overstress the system, and more harm and damage can happen to the person than strengthening.

What a difficult path to walk upon! What a responsibility!!
The student has to have full confidence that their Sensei has their best health, and interest in mind. The Sensei expects that the student is putting forth full effort in class. There has to be a bond of mutual trust, and respect for true learning, and improvement to take place. Is this kind of deep bond between Sensei, and student something that happens all the time? I'm guessing that it is as rare a treasure as one of those awesome marriages that last for 50 years through joys, challenges, and sorrows.

Perhaps that is why so many of the Martial arts films portray this kind of deep relationship between teacher /student? It is something that so many martial artists are attracted to, and desire to emulate.

Transfering some blog entries

A good amount of months ago, I used to frequent a website that offered the blogging service. It was a very enjoyable website, but as things go in this world, the website closed down and is inaccessible to me.

I've decided to include some of my more favorite entries from that blog onto this one. The following excerpt was written a year ago. Things haven't changed much in my home since that blog entry:

Training at home

Here I was! Searching for a couple of hours of time in my day to do a little of practice. I was thinking.. "O.K.. early morning! Before the kids get up.. I'll do some training in karate.."

However, my daughter woke up before me, and managed to have needs, and wants that I had to meet, and then the other kids got up. Breakfast, dishes, laundry, and housecleaning took over the time.

I looked at the clock and saw that it was 10 am.. "Good!" I thought "Maybe now I can get at least 1 hour of concentrated karate practice." I started clearing a space in my dining room for training, but my other daughter appeared with her school supply list, and a worried face.

"Mom.. I don't think that I have all that I need.." She said to me.

Well.. Mommy decided "I've got the rest of the day to do karate.. I'll help her with her school list."

Then Lunch had to be made, and my little son had problems outside with the neighbour's kid, and Mommy to the rescue. There was a spider in the upstairs bathroom that only Mommy could handle. The teenaged daughter stopped Mommy as she came down the stairs to talk to her about the upcoming weekend plans. We all know that when a teenager feels inclined to reveal important personal information.. you HAVE to stop, and listen. It's a rare occurance!

Oh dear.. it was supper time. I couldn't train.. had to make the meal, serve it, and clean up. I consoled myself thinking "Well.. I can train from 7 to 9 pm...The kids went up to their rooms to settle for bed". ,

At 7 pm I was happilly warming up.. I barely managed a few kicks, and a couple of punches, and in comes my husband.

"Honey.." He announced to me seriously "We have to talk about important issues about our mortgage.. How much longer will you be training?"

I gave up.. I answered "I'm almost done..". It was 7:15 pm. Sigh.... my two hours of training had become a short 15 minutes.

Fighting gravity: benefits of Inversion

Day after day, our bodies are pulled downwards towards our feet as we stand, and sit. This has an effect our our spine, our joints, our circulation, our organs, etc. etc.

The amount of positives effects of inverting for a few minutes are many:

a) Blood is constantly circulating through us thanks to the pumping of our heart. However, the Lymph fluid ( which is the liquid that surrounds the tissue of our body) relies on the contraction of our muscles, and deep diaphragmic breathing to move. The lymph fluid of the legs tends to stay pooled down there due to gravity. The positive effect of going upside down on the lymph fluid is that it drains towards the lymph nodes that are more concentrated near the chest, and armpits. This helps clean, and clear the muscles of waste products which helps clear any soreness, or stiffness of the muscles. "A study conducted by physiotherapist L.J. Nosse found that, "EMG (electromyographic) activity, an indicator of muscle pain, declined over 35% within ten seconds of assuming the inverted position."

b) When you take on an upside down position, the core muscles of your torso have to adjust, and strengthen to handle the new work-load. This helps create better posture by building stronger rib, stomach, and back muscles. Oh yes.. I have felt this effect on my own body.

c) The gentle relaxed reverse loading of the ligaments, and connective tissues allow them to stretch, and strengthen. In fact, inverting brings on a sensation of relaxation to those muscle that normally take on the pressures of gravity, and asks other muscles to take over. There is a definate feeling of calmness, and relaxing that happens in the upside down placement.

d) Inverting helps your circulation. It is interesting to notice that problems such as varicose veins, or swelling feet, which are based on gravity, can be eased by inversion. The heart also adjusts to it's workload. Sensors tell the heart that there is plenty of blood available for the brain, so the heart lowers it's output.

e) Going upside down helps your lungs: "When standing or sitting upright, gravity pulls our fluids earthward, and blood "perfuses" or saturates the lower lungs more thoroughly. The lower lung tissue is thus more compressed than the upper lungs. As a result, the air we inhale moves naturally into the open alveoli of the upper lungs. Unless we take a good, deep breath, we do not raise the ratio of air to blood in the lower lungs. When we invert, blood perfuses the well-ventilated upper lobes of the lungs, thus ensuring more efficient oxygen-to-blood exchange and healthier lung tissue. "

f) Perimenopausal and Menopausal women can benefit from the extra stimulation that the various glands that regulate metabolism ( pituitary, penial, thyroid, and parathyroid ) get from inversion.

Inversion isn't for everyone. People with back problems, high blood pressure, and glaucoma should consult a doctor before attempting inversions.

Also, it is important to take good care of your neck, and spine as you invert. Listen to your body, and if it is telling you that what you are attempting is painful.. then stop, review where you are placing the pressure of the weight of your body, and your posture.

There is also no need to invert for extra long extended moments of time ( such as over 20 minutes..etc.).
Shorter periods of time can have just as many benefits. In fact, most of the yoga sites that I visited recommended between 3 and 5 minutes. They suggested that beginners to inversion just go up for a few breaths, and then return back down.

People are purchasing Inversion tables to help them achieve the upside down position:
http://www.greendoorwellness.com/inversion.html

There are also Inversion stand to help with headstands:
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/spo/177668412.html

These are the two websites that I visited to find the benefits of inversion:

http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/214.cfm
http://www.energycenter.com/grav_f/benefits.html

Things that I have learned from being upside down

Oh the things we learn from doing the same action over and over again.

A) Your shoulder, rib, neck, and hip muscles get sore in totally different places. You do not realize HOW sore they are until you go back upside down. Then you feel them!

B) My sinuses get all stuffed up. Singing starts to sound quite funny.. like as if I had a cold. My "m"''s and "n"'s turn into "b"'s.

C) I can see every speck of dust, and dirt on the floor since my sight level is only 4 inches above the ground. I hover there upside down thinking "Oh dear.. there are crumbs under that chair over there that I missed when I swept the floor.. I'll have to fix that later."

D) It is quite defenseless a position to be upside down, and your body KNOWS it! So when your children are chasing each other through the room as they playfight, and their feet come running in your direction, your whole body will jump with the feeling of "Arrgh! you've GOT to move out of the way.." But you can't because you are balanced on your head, and elbows. Then when you try to yell out to the kids "HEY! No! Stop it! Slow down!!" it comes out in a gargled "EH! DOH! Dop id! Sdow dowd!!!"

E) Your heart just melts as your 6 year old son comes up to you twists his head, and torso around as much as possible so that he can look at you, and yet struggle to remain standing, and then he says "Mommy.. would you like me to hold your legs up for you, or maybe I can help you in another way? I'm a good helper."

F) Shoes on your feet, as you try to get into an upside down position, will make it more difficult to kick off and balance. They add extra weight on the end, and make everything more challenging. I learned to take off my shoes.

G) Always be sure that your shirt is tucked into your pants before you go upside down.. Nothing feels more vulnerable for a woman than feeling your shirt slowing lower, covering your face, and exposing your bra to the world as you hold the upside down position.

H) More than 2 minutes of upside downess will create quite a feeling of dizziness when you come back upright.

I) Make sure that your bladder is empty when you go upside down. What a strange, wierd, and almost awful feeling to have a full bladder come bumping down into yourself when you invert. EEEWWWW! I nearly fell over in surprise when it happened to me the first time.

Being Faithful, or buying a belt..

I believe that there is a responsibiity to the Sensei who shared his/her effort, and investment towards your
knowledge, and improvement in skill. In a way, they are giving to you what was given to them, and they
hope that you will share with others so that the art of karate can expand, and enhance. I tend to view that
statement in the Shotokan Dojo Kun of "Being faithful" as encompassing this concept (In addition to others).

Learning in our history was based on the Mentor/ apprentice method. A hopeful student would find a knowledgeable person in the art that they wished to learn ( whether it was baking, blacksmithing, medicine, poetry, music, etc.) They developed a relationship with their teacher, and "inherited" their knowledge. I think that ever since our society has replaced the "apprentice" method of teaching with the modern
Public school system "factory" business we have developed a "buyer" attitude towards learning. This attitude consists of "we pay a certain amount in cash for the course, we attend class to get a checkmark beside our name for the amount of time agreed to, we meet the expected criteria, we pass our exam, and "TADAA" we graduate. This totally different way of looking at learning skills has created a Mega-business in our society. Some people's lives are dedicated to attending Universities/Colleges towards increasing that business.

I have noticed that many people in the modern dojo approach martial arts with the Business/ factory learning mindset.. they automatically assume that they pay the money for class, show up to the scheduled classes, and at the end of "x" amount of years they will be a Black belt. Isn't that the first question that many a white belt asks? "How many years before I get a black belt?" Oy.. it's hard not to roll my eyes at that question. How do I explain that the skills required will take much time, repetition, effort, sweat, courage, dedication, and humility? I almost want to tell them that they can have a black belt right now.. just go to the local martial arts store, and buy one.. they cost around $10.

How can I describe to them the "path" that you have to walk to "get a black belt" especially when I witness so many dojo that allow people to buy their belt instead of earn it? I'm just grateful that I have had the amazing gift of stumbling into a Kyokushin Sensei who taught me what being a black belt consists of by his example, and teachings. He awakened my mind, and heart to the awesome depth of karate, and made me desire to become a true karate-ka. It is through his guidance, wisdom, and consistency that I REALIZED what was expected of me in my efforts.

Many people do not understand that becoming a black belt isn't that easy.. I've seen SO many people astonished that improving in skill, and knowledge means facing your inadequacies with humility, and to stop pampering yourself, but to challenge yourself to go that one extra step. I've seen so many people verbally parroting their intent to apply themselves, but when the actual effort is demanded upon them, they chose to let the ball go.

The kind of mental, and physical conditioning contained within karate training challenges the student mentally, spiritually, and physically, and I find that this kind of training will bring out the faithful students who will continue the art of karate into the future. In my opinion, it isn't the 2-3 year factory black belts that will enhance, and perpetuate karate to the future generations. I would like to predict that these people will quickly get bored, and start shopping for a new art to "learn" and get a black belt in in order to keep the thrill, and excitement of the "newness" of learning, and also having the prestige of having more than one black belt. I've heard that sort of comment too often: "when I get my black belt in this art, I'm going to go get one in aikido.." They present the idea that "getting a black belt" is the end of learning, and that they have learned all that is possible in this art, so now it's fine to switch to another. This is a fallacy.. totally untrue. Receiving the Shodan black belt means that you are ready to START learning your art. In my opinion, it's o.k. if people want to learn different arts, but what bothers me is the fact that they do it just because they think that they have achieved mastery with the art they are in because they think they know it all... SHUDDER. These people walk away from the dojo representing the art to others who aren't aware that there is SO much more to the art. There is a total lack of relationship, acknowledgement, and gratitude being given towards the Sensei/ Sifu/ Sabonim who invested him/herself towards your achievement. To think! These Instructors have dedicated over 20 years to training in their art, and they would admit that they are STILL learning new things, how can a fresh Shodan have "mastered" the art in 2 years?

I chose to be faithful to the Sensei who have shared their knowledge with me by practicing what I was taught, sharing it with others, and to be willing to continue keeping a "beginner's mind" in my art. I didn't buy my black belt, I nurtured it into existance.

The sickly green dragon of fear snatches me in it's jaws

During class, we were asked to do a HANDstand.

I felt the terror threaten within.. boiling inside the bottom of my bowels... but I fought it. I calmed myself with thoughts of "I have gone upside down many times now.. where's the fear? No need to fear. Nothing bad happens. I can do a Handstand! What's the difference between that, and a headstand? I just have to try. It won't hurt to try. I can do this.. sure I can."

I took the fear within me, mentally rolled it into a ball, and SHOVED it as far down into me as possible. I tried to replace it with confidence in all of the weeks of practicing at home to do headstands.

I placed my hands on the ground, kicked up my feet, and achieved a handstand with the help of a partner holding my feet. I held it too. I don't know how long, not very long, but I was there for a short while. Sure.. I felt the fear threatening to rise up, but I said to myself "I'm HERE now! What's being afraid going to do? What is the fear going to protect me from.. it's too late. Just accept that I'm doing this now."

However, when I was ready to come down from the handstand. Things went badly. I felt my weight shift quickly. I felt the distance of my fall, the terror overtook everything. I screamed, and landed in a curled up heap of shaking. I instantly took in deep breaths trying to calm myself. I stood up quickly, and fought the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. I tried to grab the fear, and shove it back down within me.. but it was stronger than my will power. I knew that I should have been rejoicing in the fact that I managed to do a handstand, but instead I was standing there mentally sparring with the intangible dragon of fear, and it had me in it's jaws. I figured that I HAD to focus on something else, get my mind off of the fear. It was something in my mind that was causing the fear, I didn't know what was triggering it, but I knew that I had to switch the focus somehow. My main problem was finding a distraction, of being able to click my mind into another place again... the fear bubbled, boiled, and tormented me inside. It wasn't gong to let go, neither was it going to quiet down.

I stood there praying that Sensei will not ask for another inversion. I felt so weak within, so unable to defend myself against my own mind.

Class continued from there without anymore inversions.

The next day, I was attempting to practice my headstand at home ( like usual). Just a headstand, I've been doing so many of these, it should be easy. I went into position, and tried to kick my feet up over my head. The panic hit! The same as if I had not spent the past 2 months working on my fear. The panic was so strong that I couldn't kick my feet up anymore.. I could barely get them off of the floor. I knelt there in front of the wall feeling so much disappointment.

My thoughts were rather angry actually, they more like "WHAT! No way! I'm back to the beginning with this, just because of one handstand! (*Insert your choice of swear words here*)"

I remembered how my Sensei had told me about "anchors" and how athletes will bring themselves to a positive frame of mind, and then anchor it with a physical movement. I really didn't know how to do this. I knelt there thinking.. "What "anchors" me?" Then I remembered that song "The voice of truth" that I enjoy so much, and how I always feel strength when I listen to it. So I started singing it to myself. Yep. I knelt there facing the wall in ready position to do a headstand, and I was singing into my knees. I'm so glad that there was no one present to witness this.. ha ha ha.. When I reached the words "Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth." I felt a calmness go across my mind like a smoothing hand.

I kicked up, and smoothly went into a headstand. I held it for a good 2 minutes, and then just as calmly I descended. No fear, no panic.. none. It worked.. O.K... good.. but I can't stand there singing a song to myself whenever I'm afraid in karate class. Can I ?

Martial arts : physical or mental?

"Many beginners and intermediate belts may think that martial arts equates to pure physical effort. This is a mistaken idea. Once you think MA is about pure effort, you're not far off thinking blind effort is the prime objective of your art. No high performing athlete uses pure fitness. In fact it is generally understood that high level sport or peformance is 99% mental - as in your performance is dictated by mental tenacity and your mental 'game'. In my school we use several exercises to get people out of the 'programming' that may occur whilst working out in a gym, or with weights, or doing aerobics. These exercises prompts a person to think whilst doing drills. No switching off the mind here. My aim is to produce a thinking martial artist from the beginning. If they then want to train further for breaking, or marathon sparring, or cross country kata, well ... hopefully they keep their wits about them and figure out that the mind-body bond is very important. In short, the decision to start something or push yourself hard is extremely important. But your instructor and coach (or yourself) should have the wherewithal to pull yourself back if you're putting too much into it. If you're getting grumpy for not squeezing in that workout or if you're not in the mood to see even good friends, or if your social life is suffering ... chances are you are not balancing your priorities. If you get this kind of tunnel vision, it may affect your survival in a situation where you need as much quick thinking as quick kicking. :-) " Renshi Colin Wee ( http://cwee.proboards29.com/)

O.K... 2 1/2 minutes upside down achieved.

Yes.. this morning I did it. I was able to get into a headstand position ( by myself with no support except the wall behind me), and hold the upside down-ness for 2 1/2 minutes.

Sure.. I came out of it shaking, shivering, quivering.. terror stricken.. but I DID it!

Sure.. it wasn't long that the tears flowed, and I needed to cry it out... but I DID it!

Sure... It took a loving hug from my daughter, and a good dozen deep breaths to calm myself.... but I DID it!

My first goal? 5 minutes headstand WITHOUT the terror. Achievable. I just have to keep the pressure on myself to continue facing the fear, and going past it.

My second goal? Handstand, even if just for a few seconds.. UGH... my heart quails at that one. ( I think that I'll go back to the first goal.) Just my hands! Just my hands touching the ground? It can't be that different from balancing on my feet, right? Feet aren't that much bigger than hands.. and I'm not afraid of standing on my feet. BUT.. Feet were built to be stood upon!

My third goal? Handstand for 5 minutes. Yeah sure.. sure.. It's possible. I just survived 2 1/2 minutes. If I can get past the whole balancing on my two hands part... oh GOSH!

My fourth goal? Handstand with 10 push ups. Oh Man! Will I EVER be able to do this one?

My fifth goal? Handstand on my knuckles.. oh heavens.. not even a slight daydream within me of reaching this level. But I give myself permission to "go for it".

AARGH... I really dislike fighting phobias.. what an awful place to be!

Positives and Negatives

Positive:

I was walking down the street with my 15 year old son. We were coming up to a fenced yard that contained within it a large dog. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that the gate of the fence was open, and that the dog was running towards it to come and attack us. My arm calmly, quickly, and exactly reached out, grasped the top of the gate, and had pulled it closed before the dog had moved less than 2 feet. The dog crashed into the closed gate barking, and showing teeth.

I kept walking on calmly. My son looked at me with a face filled with AWE "Mom! That was so COOL! You are so SENSEI - like. You just did that so quickly, so relaxed.. like it was nothing. I didn't even see your arm move. "

I just smiled at him and said "When you are alert to your environment, it's easy to react quickly."

"That's just what a Sensei would say, Mom! You are a real black belt!" He answered. He was still walking with stars in his eyes from that moment all the way to our destination.

Negative:

Terror. Total heart stopping fear that makes you pace up and down in the room for minutes before you have to face that moment again. Panic.. telling yourself out loud "I can do this.. I can do this.. I must.. it's o.k... I won't get hurt.. Nothing bad will happen.. I WILL do this!" Then you get into position, and.. just stay there.. fear freezing your every breath. Thinking "I have to do this.. I chose to do this.. I'm going to do this.. all I need is to move.. come on.. one foot.. just one more time.. and then you've done it for today.. "

What am I talking about? What has brought me to the point of phobia?

Inverting upside down. Yep.. doing a head stand. No one else in my dojo is brought to tears by this exercise, but each successive time that I do it, the moment is worse for me. I have learned something though. I learned that when you are crying, and you are upside down, your nose feels stuffy like as if you have a cold. I didn't know that before.

It's part of my next belt rank test. I have to be able to hold a handstand for 3 minutes. HANDSTAND! I barely can get into the HEADstand position without panic. My stomach sinks as I watch the others doing it. My heart races.. and then me... me... oh gosh.. not me.

I turned to others asking for advice as to how to progress into inversion.. baby steps.. But I was told that there aren't any.. you just DO it. One minute you are normal, the next you are upside down. That's it. TERROR!

Inversion is actually very good for you, I researched it on the internet. Alot of yoga positions are upside down. Lots of health benefits.. This knowledge did NOT stop the panic though.

I won't fall down, and hurt myself. I'm only a couple of feet away from the ground, I can easilly catch myself, and control the descent. I even have my husband holding my knees so that I can land softly. Did this stop the fear? NOPE.. just as strong.. even building up each time that I practice at home. Blind hidden inner panic that starts as soon as even the suggestion of inverting is introduced.

AARGH! The stupid awful hidden fears within that just show up and make life unbearable for nonsense. Real fears that just control your mind, heart, and body for things that really have no dangerous aspect to them. I can't shake the fear.. I've faced it day after day, week after week, fought it, forced it, and hoped that through constant exposure it would die down and allow me to invert in peace. But NO! It strengthens.

The fear will not win. I have fought my fear of water, and I have won. I have fought my fear of elevators, and I have won. I have fought my fear of dentists, and I have won. I have fought my fear of sparring, and I have won. I will continue fighting this fear of inversion, and it's going down. For some reason it is a stronger opponent than all the other previous ones combined, but that will not stop me.

There is a song that I listen to which helps me in these moments. It is a contemporary Christian song called "The Voice of Truth". Seeing that in Kyokushin, I strive to live up to the "Ultimate Truth", this song really speaks to me. Here are the lyrics for those of you that might be interested:

"Voice of Truth"

Oh what I would do to have The kind of faith it takes To climb out of this boat I'm in on to the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is And He's holding out His hand
But the waves are calling out my name And they laugh at me Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed The waves they keep on telling me Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

Chorus:
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory" Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

Oh what I would do to have The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors Shaking in their armor Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand But the giant's calling out my name And he laughs at me Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed The giant keeps on telling me Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

Chorus:
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory" Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

But the stone was just the right size To put the giant on the ground And the waves they don't seem so high
On top of them lookin' down I soar with the wings of eagles When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

Chorus:
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory" Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe- I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

(Written, and performed by Casting Crowns)

Teaching karate from a wheelchair

I found this wonderful article today about Sensei Clay Johnson. He
describes what the reaction is when people enter his dojo and ask
for the Karate Instructor....

"...... when they walk in, they see a guy in a wheelchair. Then they
ask to speak to the instructor. I reply, "You are speaking to him."
Sometimes people just turn and leave. Most of the time, I get
strange looks and they ask questions about the class. Sometimes,
they don't ask the questions, but the look on their faces asks for
them."

How does this Sensei teach martial arts, stick, and knife fighting
from a wheelchair?

"My teaching style includes breaking down everything to the bare
essentials. I ask my students to try and picture in their minds what
I'm asking them to do, and then do it, and it really works."

He was born with Cerebral Palsy. He has no left ear, very thin legs
that twist to the right, and a right arm that had difficulty moving.   
He had to survive over 30 surgeries on his legs, feet, and jaw.
Teased constantly as a child, he was taunted unmercifully, and
beaten for his lunch money.    He watched the "Kung Fu" series, and
felt a connection with the Caine character. Later, when he was
around 10 years old, he witnessed a disabled man with no legs
demonstrating martial arts, and defeating 5 able-bodied opponents.
Inspired, Sensei Johson went on the search to find an instructor. It
was difficult for Sensei Jonson to find someone willing to teach him.
However, he found Sensei Eddie Thomas who accepted him as a
student.   Within 5 years of training, Sensei Jonson achieved black
belt. At 44 years of age, he has trained in Martial arts for over 20
years, and has his own dojo since 1987.

"Johnson tolerates no laziness. "If you want to trade places, you take
this chair and I'll take your ability and go off," he will tell a slack
student. "

On Friday, Nov. 21st 2003, Sensei Jonson was inducted into the
American Freestyle Karate Organization's Hall of Fame.

For the full articles, please click:

http://www.roanoke.com/news/wb/64596

http://inosanto.com/article_info.php?articles_id=37

Here is a video showing Sensei Jonson teaching a class:

http://www.roanoke.com/multimedia/video/wb/63613

The rank rainbow

Many Martial artists have heard the explanation for the different rank colors that are found in Karate. Some people have wondered where the whole idea of changing a student's rank color originated. I have heard people claim that the belt colors were created for the money that a Sensei can get from his/her students for each succeeding test. The "revenue rainbow" is a sarcastic term for it. History is that Sensei Gichin Funakoshi, the Founder of Shotokan karate, was the first Sensei to award Karate Black Belts to his students. He was inspired by Judo Sensei Jigoro Kano. I quote:

"This much we know for certain: On April 12, 1924, Gichin Funakoshi, the "Father of Modern Karate," awarded karate's first black belt dan upon seven men. The recipients included Hironori Ohtsuka, founder of wado-ryu karatedo, Shinken Gima, later of gima-ha shoto-ryu, and Ante Tokuda, Gima's cousin, who received a nidan (second degree) black belt. Like Gima, Tokuda had trained extensively in Okinawa before coming to Japan proper. The others were Kasuya, Akiba, Shimizu and Hirose. This beginning was a highly personal, yet formal ceremony in which Funakoshi is said to have handed out lengths of black belting to his pupils. Still there is no evidence that Funakoshi himself had ranking in any budo under the dan/kyu system.

Actually, Funakoshi was greatly influenced by Jigoro Kano, aristocratic founder of judo, and originator of the dan/kyu system. Kano was a highly respected individual, and Funakoshi prided himself on being an educated and "proper" man who rightly believed that he was acting correctly. Kano's system was not only being applied to judo, but to other budo as well under the aegis of the Butoku-kai and the Japanese Ministry of Education. Funakoshi, then, just adopted the order of the day: a ranking system officially sanctioned by Japan's greatest martial arts entities. Funakoshi's own rank was of no consequence, since it seems that belt ranking was really just something for the students, not for headmasters. "

http://www.judoinfo.com/karateranks.htm

One of the legends of the color change is that the white belt becomes soiled with the yellow of sweat, the green of grass stains, the red/ orange of blood, and the dark brown of dirt as you progress in the art. This visualization might appeal to some of the men in my aquaintance.. that old "grunt grunt.. Hunh!" macho don't be afraid to get down, and get dirty perspective.

However for me, I have developed a personal impression of the color changes, which I do not mind sharing with others. It is based on energy ( Ki / Chi) ......

White: The fullest potential of all energy, not used yet, but available. Like the bright whiteness of the Sun that we cannot look at directly without harming our eyes. A white belt has all the potential within, they only need to learn how to direct the energy. (Sun)

Yellow/ orange: The student starts to learn how to apply their energy outwards. Just like the color yellow is in the center of a rainbow, you can see that the student is perceiving the various spectrums of the techniques, and stances. (Spectrum/ Rainbow)

Green: The student starts to absorb the energy, make it part of themselves, and use it productively. Like green plants, the techniques start to flow more naturally, with less thinking and more doing. (Grass)

Brown: The creativity, and ability to use the majority of the energy being absorbed, and produced. With a solid connection to the knowledge of who they are, and what they are capable of, the brown belt strives to grow even higher like a tree not letting the earth put a limit to their goals. (Tree)

Black: The fullness of absorbtion of energy... all of it being used effectively, and not wasted. Movement, and stillness at the same time.. like space. Filled with energy, yet no longer is it needed to have the energy visible. Ability just becomes present without fanfare. Then the black belt recognizes another Sun of potential within him/her.. and starts back to white. (Space)

(Can also be found on my good friend's "The Martial Arts Curator" forum:
http://cwee.proboards29.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=general&thread=1143627487&page=2 )

I prefer my own spiritual visualization of the color change over the soiled stained version.. but until recently I'm the only one that has seen the rank color system in this way. I share it with you so that you can join me in seeing the joyous inspiring thoughts of the cycle of energy.

Giving yourself permission to "go for it"

"Doctors and scientists said that breaking the four-minute mile was impossible, that one would die in the attempt. Thus, when I got up from the track after collapsing at the finish line, I figured I was dead. "
~ Roger Bannister (After becoming the first person to break the four-minute mile, 1952)

The day that I realized that my autistic son needed to homeschool for him to learn, and cope with life, I felt deep inner terror at the responsibility of not only being his mother, but also becoming a teacher. I had to give myself permission to attempt the impossible, face the challenge, surmount it, and do what needed to be done.

The first time that I stood in the dojo, and realized that I was going to attempt learning karate, I was frozen in fear of failure, of rejection, and of ridicule. I drew on that inner core of strength I had developed through facing the challenges of homeschooling my children to find the strength to get in that line up, and join class in spite of my misgivings. I had learned that I had to be willing to make mistakes, learn from them, and grow.

The first time that I was asked to do a handstand, I felt an inner cringing.. but this time I was familiar with the challenge to get beyond my inner fears, and to allow myself permission to "go for it". I realized that falling down is part of learning to walk, and coloring outside of the lines always happens when you learn how to color. In fact, no one learns without having to get past their barriers, and limitations. The only thing that we are perfect at doing the first time we attempt to do it would be our reflex actions. It does not take any effort on our part to blink when something is heading towards our eyes, but it does take concentration to keep your eyes open when a fist is heading towards your head.

It is our attitude within that helps us take things in a positive way, and bring excellence out of ourselves.

The Dojo Kun exhorts us to "Endeavor to excel." AH... now I can understand how excelling in anything means being willing to strive for what we think is not possible, but we give ourselves permission to "go for it" anyway in spite of errors, fears, and misgivings.

Body language speaks louder than words

My Sensei has always encouraged us to look at what message we are sending by our physical demeanor. Example: Looking like a victim by hunching our shoulders, bowing our head away from someone, and avoiding eye contact.

My curiousity was aroused by his teachings. In Psychology, I had learned that body language such as tone, physical placement of the body parts, and physical distance between people accounts for close to 65 percent of the message. Our spoken word only gives about 35 percent of the content of the ideas.

As a mother of an autistic son, I have had to become more aware of the messages sent by our body language. I had to teach my son even the most basic actions that people take for granted. For example, that avoiding eye contact with another person (in our north american culture) has many negative messages such as "I'm afraid of you", "I'm not talking to you", "I do not wish to speak/listen to you", "I reject you". I had to instruct my son to "look at me" when he was talking to me so that he learned to do this everytime he wanted someone's attention. Although, my son Kenny was innocently avoiding eye contact with people, he was sending negative messages to those who did not know him. After years of correction, Kenny now will constantly give positive social cues to people when he meets them. This has improved his life immensely.

Body language affects our daily interractions. It can help make a potentially violent situation worse, or calm it down. I am thinking of making a separate thread on that topic.. "using body language for self defense" so that we can look at that aspect of our training also.

As we consider Body language, we have to remember that it is taught by culture. For example, avoiding eye contact is considered the deepest sign of respect amoung the Native Canadians. In their traditional culture you do NOT look at an elder directly in the eyes, it is disrespectful, and rude. I have experienced being with some Native Canadian children who continue this tradition. However, this is another topic all on it's own. I'd like to focus on the whole aspect of sending unintended negative messages to others through our silent body language in this thread.

Some of the ways that we can send a negative message to others are:

a) Putting our backs towards a person when sitting or standing so that they feel excluded from a group rather than everyone facing each other in an inclusive way. You can notice this in a group of friends gathering together, they will automatically create a circle so that they can see each other's faces, and read each other's body messages. When you place your body so that you cannot see the other person you are telling them "You are not important, and are unwelcomed."

b) Avoiding eye contact. This is a strong message to the other person that something is going well in the conversation, or is amiss between the two speakers. There are MANY messages sent by the connection of our gaze, by how long the length of contact is, which way our eyes move, and when we break contact. One example is the positive "locking" of the eyes with those to whom we are very attached. If we tried to lock our gaze with a stranger, it would be taken as "staring", and as a challenge. We give away our emotions, our attitudes, our understanding, and even whether or not we are speaking truthfully. It is important to give a person just enough eye contact to build a relationship, but not too much to make them feel uncomfortable. The good news is that each person gives off body language that alerts us to just how much contact is good for them.

[i]"RESEARCH REPORTS: 1. We generally begin an utterance by looking away and end it by looking back at the listener. While speaking, we alternate between gazing at and gazing away (Nielsen 1962, Argyle and Dean 1965, Kendon 1967). 2. There is more direct gaze when people like each other and cooperate (Argyle and Dean 1965). 3. People make less eye contact when they dislike each other or disagree (Argyle and Dean 1965). 4. In primates, the unwavering gaze evolved as a sign of dominance and threat (Blurton Jones 1967, Eibl-Eibesfeldt 1975), while gaze avoidance originated as a submissive cue (Altmann 1967). 5. "The [Bushmen] children often used to stare at each other until finally one gave up, by averting the eyes, lowering the head and pouting" (Eibl-Eibesfeldt 1975:184). 6. "When the subjects gazed at the interviewer's eyes, the hand self-manipulations of the subjects increased, reflecting the upsetting effects of monitoring the interviewer's face during interaction" (Bod and Komai 1976:1276). 7. Direct gaze (along with forward body and smiling) is a trustworthy sign of good feeling between new acquaintances (Palmer and Simmons 1995:156).[/i]
http://members.aol.com/nonverbal3/eyecon.htm

c) Placing physical distance between us and the other person. There are many messages that are sent by how far you stand, sit from someone. You can say "I accept you, and I am comfortable with your presence beside me", " I want to dominate you", or "stay away from me, you frighten me", or "I dislike you.. keep away." all with how much distance you place between you and a person, and how consistent this distance remains when interacting. What is very important is to come into a good distance wherein one is open to interaction, but not enforcing it. The action that really sends out a "stay away" message is when a group of students form a closed circle. There is a big "Do NOT disturb, you are not welcome here.." message being sent by that closed circle even if that is not intentional.

d) Positive/ negative tone of voice. The tone of our voice sends a stronger message than the words that are being said. My children enjoy reading the subtitles of the Japanese anima rather than listening to the dubbed english because they tell me that the tone of the Japanese voice actors cue them into what the real emotions are in that moment of the cartoon. Tone of voice reveals the true message of what is being communicated by that person. Really awesome actors can apply various tones to affect the outcome of a performance. So the words "I like you" can actually mean the opposite just by the tone expressed.

A dojo will receive quite alot of new students that come in to join, and learn karate. The body language of the main regular student group can make the newcomer feel acceptance, or rejection within the first few minutes of interaction. It could be possible that even regular students that train together frequently could be sending messages of rejection, and unacceptance to each other through their body language. Being aware of what our body language is saying, and choosing to help others feel comfortable in the dojo is part of the promise that we make to ourselves when we say that we will " respect others" during our dojo kun.

Mental self defense: Worry

Do I worry? As a mom of 7 children, the answer is "yes". Most of my worry is well founded on reality, and situations. However, I also have a bad habit of worrying for things that are out of my control, unfounded, even just imaginary. This kind of negative worrying isn't good for me mentally, or even physically. The stress of it sets off my skin condition. I needed to look into finding some sort of self defense against worrying.

I stumbled across an article on the internet written by Dr. Edward Hallowell, author of the book "Worry", and I quote:


"So how to combat the potentially toxic effects of worry? Hallowell offered some advice.

The 5 steps

1. Never worry alone
By far the most important step, Hallowell said it's fine to worry, just don't get isolated and become the passive victim. When you're connected and brainstorming with someone else, you tend to come up with solutions.

2. Get the facts
"Toxic worry is usually based on either lack of information or wrong information," Hallowell said. Don't worry about what if , as Dr. Shapiro noted, worry about what is .


3. Make a plan
Once you have the facts, make a plan and take action. Don't worry about whether the plan works or not, Hallowell said that life is about revising plans. You're much better to be active, he said, noting that toxic worry loves a passive victim. Stay in the active mode.

4. Take care of your brain
"If you're not in good shape brain-wise, you're going to be prone to getting rattled and worried," he said. "What do I mean by take care of your brain? Obvious steps. Get enough sleep. Physical exercise...one of the best anti-anxiety agents ever."

Also, maintain a proper diet. Don't self-medicate with a lot of carbs, junk food, alcohol, drugs, etc. He also mentioned that prayer and meditation , although often skipped over in medicine, can really play an important role in focusing the mind and reducing toxic worry.

And finally, regular doses of positive human contact. It's good to get a smile, a hug or a warm pat on the back.

5. Let it go
This is the hard one for toxic worriers.

"At least you can practice letting it go," Hallowell said. "Head in that direction. A lot of toxic worriers do just the opposite. They gather their worries unto them. They say ‘Where are my worries, come back,' almost as if they feel unsafe without them." "

Ah.. I will have to do babysteps in the direction of controlling my worries, and reactions to worries. Most of these suggestions make sense to me, but in the same breath, when you have a bad habit, it tends to be challenging to find new ways of acting/reacting to the problem. One good thing that will happen is that once I can place all of the above suggestions into action in my own life, I will be able to be a good role model for my own children when they start to "worry" in a negative way.

Awesome Martial arts poem!!

Poem by Marc Gatien

MASTERS IN TRAINING...

The bells ring and I detect incenses,
butterflies in my stomach have cooled their senses.

Enter the armoury as a mere man,
leave as warriors of the same clan.

Spread to four corners on the hard floor,
contorting our bodies to melt our core.

The time is close at hand, let us prepare,
place your cloth on the ground and wipe the floor bare.

All in a row, we are stakes in the ground,
we do not move, do not make a sound.

The teacher comes forth and our journey begins,
we bow our bodies, but raise our chins.

The doors are flung open for all to know,
we're in his world now with no place to go.

Working long and hard without much break,
for those who quit quick this was a mistake.

I've tried my best and my muscles all ache,
even ones I didn't know that I could awake.

Pushing the limit as far as we can,
reaching our goals with a guiding hand.

But its over now and we must go,
what wills me to stay I do not know.

I am reminded that the test isn't done,
because life is a game that cannot be won.

Though, if I take time to practice my skills,
I'll be scaling more mountains than hills.

 -- Marc Gatien -- June 2002

I found this wonderful poem at this site:
http://www.diegobeltran.com/htms/dojo/studentsvoice.htm#poemMarc

Been Thinkin': "Humility"

“We will follow our religious principles, and never forget the true virtue of Humility.” Sosai Masutatsu Oyama

Each time I train at the Kyokushin dojo, we recite the Dojo Kun. So many times I have said this sentence without really looking at the challenge contained within the concepts. The words just came out of my mouth without any deep meaning. I felt that if I was going to make a promise to myself of never forgetting this virtue in my life.. I really needed to look at what that virtue means to me.

The word “humility” contains the same Latin root word “Humus” which means “earth” or in other words, “The brown or black organic substance consisting of partially or wholly decayed vegetable or animal matter that provides nutrients for plants and increases the ability of soil to retain water. “ http://www.answers.com/topic/humus

I learned alot about humus when I took Physical biology in University. I learned that land without humus will not sustain life... it is like sand. “ Without humus, we have poor sandy soil that won’t hold water or nutrients for plant roots. Without humus, plants starve unless fed a steady diet of chemical fertilizers.”http://www.sunlandgarden.com/how_to_feed_plants.php

Therefore the existence of humus is essential for life on this planet to exist. Just as the virtue of humility is essential for us to have achieve the goal of living a happy life, and being a successful Martial artist.

But what is humility? I looked at all the various major religious belief systems, and noticed that they have a very similar way of thinking about that virtue. I took out just little quotes from each site, knowing that these will not show forth the fullness of their philosophies, but only will act as a small taste of the deep thoughts available for contemplation. I included the links to the various sites in case anyone is interested in looking it up for themselves.

Catholic Christian:

St. Thomas explains (Contra Gent., bk, III, 135): "The spontaneous embracing of humiliations is a practice of humility not in any and every case but when it is done for a needful purpose: for humility being a virtue, does nothing indiscreetly. It is then not humility but folly to embrace any and every humiliation: but when virtue calls for a thing to be done it belongs to humility not to shrink from doing it, for instance not to refuse some mean service where charity calls upon you to help your neighbours. . . .Sometimes too, even where our own duty does not require us to embrace humiliations, it is an act of virtue to take them up in order to encourage others by our example more easily to bear what is incumbent on them: for a general will sometimes do the office of a common soldier to encourage the rest. Sometimes again we may make a virtuous use of humiliations as a medicine. Thus if anyone's mind is prone to undue self-exaltation, he may with advantage make a moderate use of humiliations, either self-imposed, or imposed by others, so as to check the elation of his spirit by putting himself on a level with the lowest class of the community in the doing of mean offices."

The vices opposed to humility are,

a) pride: by reason of defect, and

b) a too great obsequiousness or abjection of oneself, which would be an excess of humility. This might easily be derogatory to a man's office or holy character; or it might serve only to pamper pride in others, by unworthy flattery, which would occasion their sins of tyranny, arbitrariness, and arrogance.

The virtue of humility may not be practised in any external way which would occasion such vices or acts in others. "

http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/07543b.htm

Wow! What a challenge! To choose to humble myself as a way of encourageing others to choose a better path, but being careful not to lessen my value, and encourage negative attitudes in others. A person would have to be very wise to know when to be humble, and when to live up to Justice.

Protestant Christian:

“Writer Madeline L’Engle once said, “Integrity, like humility, is a quality which vanishes the moment we are conscious of it ourselves.” Thomas Merton said, “the humble [one] receives praise the way a clean window takes the light of the sun. The truer and more intense the light is, the less you see of the glass. True humility excludes self-consciousness, but false humility intensifies our awareness of ourselves to such a point that we are crippled, and can no longer make any movement or perform any action without putting to work a whole mechanism of apologies and formulas of self-accusation.”

http://www.collegevalues.org/diaries.cfm?id=233&a=1

Again, I can see how just thinking lowly of one’s own self is not really what humility is all about. It’s about not thinking of yourself, but of others. Putting the welfare of others as a priority due to your own compassion, and worthiness. I realize that this little quote does not covered the vast amount of information available of the various protestant views of humility.

Buddhism:

"The quintessence of humility is manifested in a practitioner's realization that he is nobody or nothing. This state of enlightenment comes when he transcends all worldly desires, illusions and mental constructs and labels associated with the ego. Buddhism refers to this as "emptiness" - empty of the contents of an illusory ego. On an in-depth psychological level, when one realizes that one is nothing, one is also everything. That means that through unconditioned love and compassion, one is now connected with all things and all beings. There is no more "I" and "mine." We are all one.

Some Buddhist practitioners place so great an emphasis on humility that they are prepared to yield to others in any situation that involves a dispute or contention. A Buddhist master writes that he always considers himself to be the least knowledgeable and capable as compared with other people. This approach is seen as a way to "humble" the ego so that spiritual liberation can be facilitated. Whether this is the right way of practice is open to questions.

Although humility is important to Buddhism, ultimately spiritual attainments are associated with such personal qualities as the "middle way," a balanced personality that is neither arrogant nor "humble" in the sense of self-abasement. Thus a semantic question may be raised as to exactly what we mean by humility. Does it necessarily imply an under-evaluation of one's own worth and merits that led the Tibetan lama to reject humility as a virtue for practitioners? From a true Buddhist perspective, the answer is "No." And we may add the following criteria to define genuine humility:

a) Behave without arrogance, self-conceit and other egoist tendencies such as jealousy and an impulse to show off.

b) Respect others and show a genuine human interest in them without a desire to please or to impress.

c) Come up with an objective and honest understanding of our own strengths and weaknesses, with a realization that we are far from perfect and have a lot more to learn, to improve and to accomplish.

While we do not recognize self-depreciation or self-effacement as part of humility, we must recognize that our biological self is fraught with frailties and ignorance and that a true self characterized by such divine qualities as love, compassion, joy and wisdom is innate in everyone of us.

With the above understanding, it is safe for Buddhists to speak of humility as a norm of personal conduct and a mark of supreme attainments that is consistent with the Buddhist "middle way." "
http://www.meaning.ca/articles/humility_yu-hsi.htm

Fantastic! Again we see that humility is based on being sensitive to the fact that all people deserve respect, and dignity.

Jewish:

"Now what on earth do grapes have to do with humility? It is certainly difficult to find a connection, don't you agree? But in Hebrew, the word for grape is "Ah-nav" and the word for a humble person is also "ah-nav." True, there is a slight difference in the spelling, so it's not the same word, but we are going to see that there is a relationship between them.

However, if we understand that the Hebrew language is the language that G-d used to create the world, and every word and every letter has a divine meaning, then the relationship between words can be established. According to Jewish tradition, the letters themselves descended from upper spiritual worlds and these letters solidified, creating the present physical world. Now the Hebrew word is not just a audio symbol for an object, but rather its' root and stem, from which the object is created. The letters have mystical powers and the words create worlds. Now we can understand that Hebrew words by definition, have mutual relationships.

So what is the relationship between the grape and a humble person? Simply this:

A grape is something that by itself has no importance. No one buys one grape. Grapes are bought in bunches. A humble person is a person that sees no intricate self importance to himself. His role in life is an entity of importance only when he is together in a social structure. Together, with his society, he shares his life with others.

A grape is also something that improves when it is squeezed....... Only when the grape is squashed does it reveal it's true excellence. The same is true of a humble person. Only under pressure can we see the true worth of a person. How many people stumble and sway due to pressures. A truly humble person is able to come out of a difficult situation unscathed. "

http://www.jewishmag.com/10MAG/STORY/story.htm

The fact that a humble person reveals the strength of their inner self when placed in a difficult situation is so true. You can see that in the dojo when the hard training sets in: The humble karate ka has the strength of accepting themselves "as is"; their strengths, and weaknesses, and trying to seek to improve both aspects of themselves using the discipline of karate as a tool to make this possible.

I would say that, in the dojo, the 10th kyu is as important as the 10th Dan. Yes it is good to recognize, and be grateful for, the value of the experience of those who have trained before us, and that they are willing to share the knowledge that they have amassed with others. It is also good for the higher level belts to remember that they are no more than “walkers of the path” that have had a head start, and that they once relied on others to share with them. There is that mutual “going back to the basics, and going back to nature” moment within us when we realize that we all rely on the simplicity of humble black earth to support the plants that bring us food, oxygen, and life. Our world is based on the circle of mutual cooperation. The microbes in the dirt that turn dead vegetation into humus are just as important to our world as the men and women who train in karate on the grass above. The next time that you train outside, and start doing push ups, and your face is a couple of inches over the earth, you can remember your own simple beginnings, and dependence of survival on the simple creatures of the earth.

My view of the Martial Way.

Survival. This is the quest of all life on earth. The grass strives to grow, and survive, and it will encroach on the vegtables of the garden who also contest for the space to live. A person is needed to limit the grass and say "For you, grass, it is good for your existance in the lawn, but the garden is for the vegtables." Therefore the person will do what is necessary to stop the grass from entering the garden, even to the point of killing the grass that managed to enter by pulling it out by the roots. Nature has no evil. Sheep will kill the grass to be able to eat to survive, and cougars will kill the sheep to be able to live another day. All of this is within their nature to perform. Humankind has begun to understand the delicate balance, and when too many herbivores exist, and become a danger to themselves, we allow their numbers to be thinned.

However, humankind is capable of evil. Unlike animals, we are able to take what is natural and warp it. We can choose to be selfish, cruel, deceitful, abusive, and murderous to others. In a perfect world, we would not have to learn the path of martial arts. However, we can see this from the antiquities of our history when the first caveman killed the other with a club, or in a biblical sense, when Adam and Eve's first son Cain murdered Abel out of jealousy. Evil exists, and can affect us in many varied ways. The best protection is to train for war in the time of peace... sometimes this action in itself can prevent the war from happening in the first place.

Survival is the martial way, or in other words, the art of war. We have to learn to protect, and seek for what brings us good, and to defend against what would harm us. The techniques that we learn in our martial art is totally centered on finding THE most effective way of stopping, injuring, maiming, even killing the attacker who seeks to harm us. The ART of the Martial way is to find the quickest, most efficient manner to do this type of defense. We cannot fool ourselves, karate is not a new style of dance, or just impressive board breaking demonstrations. Karate is constantly being aware, and alert to the environment around us, and protecting ourselves through our own efforts.

Yet, in our efforts to learn the art of war, we must be careful not to become that which we are defending against. We have to accept that violence exists in our world, learn how to defend against it, use violence as a tool if necessary, but in the same breath we have to remove violence from within us. Our inner heart/ spirit needs to become self-controlled, humble, peaceful, respectful, valueing life even within the smallest creature.

As Martial artists we have to support our bodies that rely on our daily positive choices to keep them as healthy as possible. We are in more danger from our poor eating habits, and lack of daily exercise than from some random attack on the street. Training in Martial arts protects us by improving our flexibility, strength, conditioning, stamina, and cardio-vascular ability. Our training helps burn off the stress that we place within us, and bring our bodies into calm rest.

This is my view of the Martial Way.

Women in disguise

Women in Martial Art History in disguise

One of my favorite Disney animated films is “Mulan” film is based on a Chinese poem called “The Ballad of Mulan”. You can find the full poem here: http://www.chinapage.com/mulan.html which was written in 5 A.D. It is the story of a young girl who finds out that her father has been called to go to war, and she takes his place disguized as his eldest son. This poem ends with the words “Two hares running side by side close to the ground, How can they tell if I am he or she?" “

That is the basis of why so many women successfully entered the armies of war, and fought side by side with men as soldiers, and were not discovered until they were injured: The fact that when someone is aiming to strike you with a weapon, you really do not worry about whether it’s a girl, or a boy under the soldier’s clothing.

Most recently in history we see an very big example of close to 500 known women being discovered as participating the American Civil war. These numbers are of known women who managed to belong to the armies, far more are assumed to have fought in that war.

A very interesting website is dedicated to that history. I’ll include some quotes here, but I encourage anyone interested to visit the website, because it has pictures of the women, of a deposition of one of the soldiers who fought beside a lady without ever becoming aware of her gender, and of one of the discharge papers for "sexual incompatibility".

“Both the Union and Confederate armies forbade the enlistment of women. Women soldiers of the Civil War therefore assumed masculine names, disguised themselves as men, and hid the fact they were female. ...

It is perhaps hard to imagine how the women soldiers maintained their necessary deception or even how they successfully managed to enlist. It was probably very easy. In assuming the male disguise, women soldiers picked male names. Army recruiters, both Northern and Southern, did not ask for proof of identity. Soldier-women bound their breasts when necessary, padded the waists of their trousers, and cut their hair short. Loreta Velazquez wore a false mustache, developed a masculine gait, learned to smoke cigars, and padded her uniform coat to make herself look more muscular.

Once in the ranks, successful soldier-women probably learned to act and talk like men. With their uniforms loose and ill-fitting and with so many underage boys in the ranks, women, especially due to their lack of facial hair, could pass as young men. Also, Victorian men, by and large, were modest by today's standards. Soldiers slept in their clothes, bathed in their underwear, and went as long as six weeks without changing their underclothes. Many refused to use the odorous and disgusting long, open-trenched latrines of camp. Thus, a woman soldier would not call undue attention to herself if she acted modestly, trekked to the woods to answer the call of nature and attend to other personal matters, or left camp before dawn to privately bathe in a nearby stream.

The women soldiers of the Civil War engaged in combat, were wounded and taken prisoner, and were killed in action. They went to war strictly by choice, knowing the risks involved. Their reasons for doing so varied greatly. Some, like Budwin and Hook, wished to be by the sides of their loved ones. Perhaps others viewed war as excitement and travel. Working class and poor women were probably enticed by the bounties and the promise of a regular paycheck. And of course, patriotism was a primary motive. Sarah Edmonds wrote in 1865, "I could only thank God that I was free and could go forward and work, and I was not obliged to stay at home and weep." Obviously, other soldier-women did not wish to stay at home weeping, either. “

http://www.archives.gov/publications/prologue/1993/spring/women-in-the-civil-war-1.html

I personally believe that women disguising themselves as men, and joining into battle happened very frequently for a variety of reasons throughout history. This was far greater an act of risk since revelation of their gender could cause very serious repercussions on them.

My next exploration will be of women who fought openly as Women Warriors, and developed a name for themselves on the battle field.

Daniel wants to do karate

Officially, my 7 year old son has announced that he wants to do karate. He came to class last night.

He was strong for the first half hour, but by the second one, he was showing real signs of tiredness. What could I do? Not much, but encourage him to just relax, enjoy himself, and continue trying. I explained to him that his body just has to get used to it, and that it was a good thing that he was feeling tired, it means that he was doing his best.

My first tournament as a corner judge

Last Saturday I participated in my very first tournament as a corner judge. This was a small tournament with most of the compeditors being under the age of 14 years old, and low kyu belt ranks.

What a learning experience! It is so different to be sitting on a chair for hours, and keeping alert to wave after wave of students coming up and performing their kata, or doing Ippon kumite. It seems to be SUCH a mental stress rather than a physical one. You find yourself having to assess so many things at the same time, and remembering what you just witnessed from the other contestants, and then making a comparitive decision. The hardest part is choosing the decision in the brief time it takes for the whistle to blow. Sure.. there were moments when the choice was obvious to me from the very first movement made by the white side. I'd see a lack of this or that in one person that revealed to me whom to choose. The worst moments of decision happened when the compeditors were so equally balanced in skill, power, and speed. At one point, there was a real tough choice placed before us, and the 6 judges kept choosing the "tie" option of flags. Those compeditors had to continue fighting for 3 times in a row. It was a tough decision. One person had a different strength than the other, but all in all they were so equal.

One thing that I learned about myself is that I had certain expectations of what I valued as important, and these were not exactly the same as the other judges. I also learned that I would stand by my decisions because they were the most honest ones I could make at that time with the knowledge that I had.

It is difficult to avoid going up to the compeditors after the event, and saying to them "You know.. You would have NAILED that event if only you had done this.." I found myself biting my tongue, and walking away.

There was such a feeling of investing into the training of these young karate-ka. To watch them struggle to calm their nerves, get up and perform their karate, to watch their eyes flipping from crowd, to the judges, to the floor, to the ceiling, as their minds struggled to handle the pressure. I realized how important it is for their development of concentration to have moments when they have to perform in an intensely stressful situation. Each performer walked away the the experience of applying themselves, and the benefits attached to that experience regardless of which medal was handed out.

All in all, it was a learning experience for me, and I enjoyed the whole event.

Results of an informal survey on women martial artists

The results of my informal survey comparing Women to Men in the Martial arts.

I received information from approximately 30 dojo, from 3 continents, North America ( U.S. and Canada), Europe ( England, Ireland, Scotland), and Australia.

Many martial arts styles were represented in this survey:

Shotokan made up about 1/ 4 of the responses. The next largest response came from Tae Kwon do, and then I placed all the other martial arts into a united category. I did not receive many responses from the grappling arts styles such as Judo/ Aikido... so I was unable to make a comparison in hard/ soft styles.

First question:

1. How many women train in your dojo of Kyu rank compared to men?

The overall results from this survey shows that an average dojo will have close to 45% of women compared to men. The New York City-based research firm Simmons Market Research did a survey in America which received a result that 48% women train in martial arts compared to men. Therefore my little survey results are quite close to the official one. Simmons Market Research also found out that “ for the most part, participants are young. Sixty-three percent are between 18 and 34, compared with 25 percent who are between 35 and 49 and 11 percent who are 50 or older. “ **

I did learn something interesting when I looked at the various Martial arts styles:

Overall 45% which translates to about 1 woman to 2 men.

Shotokan 77% which translates to about 3 women to 4 men.

Tae Kwon Do 48% very much meeting the overall average.

Other arts 26% which translates to about 1 woman to 4 men.

Women in North America participate at 51%, while European women are at 37%, and Australian women at 34%.

2. How many women in your dojo are of Dan level?

Overall only 26% of women training in martial arts will achieve Black belt.

A lady has a higher chance to achieve Shodan in Shotokan:

Overall 26%
Shotokan 46%
Other 27%
Tae Kwon Do 4%

According to the numbers that came in the European women ( 34%) achieve Black belt more than North American (30%) or Australian ( 5%).

3. How many Black Belt women are Instructors?

Overall 22%
Shotokan 40%
Other 17%
Tae Kwon Do 0.5%

Again, European women become Instructiors at a higher ratio ( 43%) than North America ( 22%) or Australia ( 10%)


So, according to the above results, the best place for a woman to be if she wants to become a Sensei is training in Shotokan in Europe, and the worst place would be training in Australia in Tae Kwon Do..

I’ve had various Sensei estimate from their experiences that out of 100 new white belts only 1 will achieve Shodan rank level. If I applied the information that I’ve unearthed through this survey, that would mean that (overall) out of 400 new white belt women, only 1 will achieve Black belt.

This informal survey did not have a large data base to draw from, so I would caution anyone from quoting the information contained within it. It was just a fun project. This information is being cross-posted onto a couple of forums by myself.





** quote from http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m4021/is_4_25/ai_100751497

What "Shotokan" means to me.....

ShotoKan:

Shoto means "The sound the wind makes whispering through the pine trees", it is the nickname that Sensei Gichin Funakoshi used each time that he did caligraphy. Sensei Gichin never wanted to "name" the style of karate that he, and his students trained in... so whenever someone would ask his students where they trained they would say "at Shoto Kan" (Gichin's place) the same way that I could say "at Sam's house".

Shoto also is the word used to describe one of the swords that the Samurai of Japan would carry around with them always. The Samurai carried two swords.. a long Katana, and a short Shoto. The shoto sword was ALWAYS on the Samurai's person. He would leave his Katana by the door, but would wear his Shoto, even he went to bed.

What does Shotokan mean to me? That I need to bring myself back to nature, and realize the powerful potential within me. Just like a wind will wear down a mountain through erosion, I can reach my goals through my persistance. Like the pine tree I have to be strong against the force of the wind, but also I need to bend with it. I need to value, and be faithful to the teachings of the founder of my art, Sensei Gichin Funakoshi. Like the Shoto sword, I need to carry my karate with me everyday, and never put it down.

Another interest

Aha.. as if I'm not busy enough. I decided to put an online survey out there in 4 different forums asking questions to gather up the results and see what the percentage is of women training in martial arts compared to men. I also wanted to see if there was any difference by how many women achieve black belt compared to men.

I think that it should be interesting to see the numbers of this informal survey. It will not be totally accurate, but it will give me some sort of view of what is happening out there in the world. I'll be sure to update this blog with my results.

Sudden new interest

I've become curious about the history of women in the martial arts. So now I have started travelling down that path.

Using the internet as a source of information is a tricky place to be. People can place anything they want down on a website (with or without any supporting facts.) The information can be skewed to show whatever personal bias that person has within themselves. However, the same thing can be said of books found in the library. What makes the information in a book more believable? Is it the fact that it is in permanent print?

Ah... I choose to walk down the path of history and see how recently women have studied martial arts with the support of men, how women are being treated in current times (as warriors), and perhaps forecast what a woman could expect in the future. You are more than welcome to join me in my anthropological journey... but I am sure that it will not be a short one.

Easter Sunday

All the festivities over, the easter eggs hidden, and found, all the clean up done, the big meal made, eaten, everything settled.. and I find myself wishing that I could go somewhere peaceful to train in karate as a gift to me.

I'm sitting here thinking of ways to create a space where I can train for a short while without interruptions, but that is not a possibility in my household.. far too many distractions, and needs that just erupt as soon as you actually try to concentrate. Like right now for instance.. I sit down to type a few words on my blog... and wouldn't you know it.. one of my kids has to have my attention for the important revelation that they would like to have some juice.

I can hear my teenager's music thump, thump, thumping from upstairs.. there is no section of the house, or yard that doesn't have one of my kids, or one of their friends present.

Later tonight, after I have put all the younger ones to bed, I will dedicate that time for push ups, sit ups, stretching, weight lifting, and arm/shin conditioning. I'll just have to wait until tomorrow to do kata, and practice my basics.

Having chosen to have seven children has it's joys, demands, sacrifices, and expectations. Since I went down this pathway 21 years ago, I have accepted all of the positives, and negatives of having a large family. I haven't regretted my choice. However, moments like today where I long to be able to train in karate in peace, I feel the crowdedness of the house. I keep reminding myself that it will not be very long before I will feel the empty nest syndrome.

Oh dear.. there it is again.. I just heard a loud crash, with a bunch of scattering things.. "Nothing broke!" yells my daughter.. I'd better go check what is happening.

I haven't had much time to type

End of the school year issues, spring break vacation, sick members of my family, extra training in karate have taken up my every spare minute. Computer time? It had to wait in line for any attention.. and most days I barely had time to check my email.

I've been learning about judging for tournaments. The various expectations, terminologies, qualifying, and non qualifying things. So many points to cover, so many aspects to be aware of.. What a responsibility!

I have rarely thought twice about those judges who precide over the tournament ring, and of all the things necessary for their presence. What a job!

As I contemplate the position of having to judge with equanimity, I can see how difficult it is to be a good judge. I can more fully appreciate the gift of service that those faithful black belts who carry the flags have given to the future generation of karate ka. I am quite appreciative, and filled with gratitude.

I guess that it is the same thing as when I became a Mom. I never appreciated all the hard work, dedication, and knowledge needed to provide a child with a good home until I was given the responsibility myself.

A great big thank you to all those who have provided the avenue of tournaments to those karate ka who value the chance of performing in that environment.