Monday, August 23, 2010

Diet, and eating are two different things entirely

Well.. my resolve to not eat any more junk food lasted for 3 months. I fought through each day withholding myself from eating anything that wasn't considered "healthy food". I ate popcorn instead of chips, and cherries instead of chocolate. I boycotted all soda pop. Results: I maintained the same weight regardless of the effort. I became depressed, emotional, and moody, and I found out that I am an emotional eater. The more stress/negative feelings that I feel the more that I "hunger" to eat, and if you eat too many calories, it doesn't matter if it's healthy food or not, you will gain weight.

My 2 week vacation made it near impossible to find any healthy food as we traveled. I don't know why each restaurant mainly offers food that is high in fat, sugar, and salt ( even their salads are like this) I just decided to relax, enjoy my holiday, and not worry about calories until I returned home.

Yes, this choice meant that my weight went up, up, and away. But I took hold of it all, and have now lost 12 pounds. I'm working my way back down to a healthy level but to do it in a kind way to my body I have to lose the pounds gently.

In a way, I'm grateful for this experience because I'm now aware for sure that I'm an emotional eater. I've always suspected it, but never saw it as loudly as I saw during those 3 months where I avoided junk food through will power.

For the past month I have been trying to find alternatives to coping with strong negative emotions. Lately, I've been going to the garage, and breaking wood into small pieces. When we moved into our home, there was a stack of various wood in the rafters, and well.. with my husband's permission, I've pulled out that wood, and have smashed it with my feet into firewood. Some of the pieces that are more stubborn and won't break nicely face destruction by hand saw. It's working for now.. but I know that I'm going to run out of wood to break.

I'm thinking that perhaps it would be a good idea to think up alternatives. Somehow I have to change my pattern, and stop eating to cope with emotions/stress. Any suggestions/ websites with advice would be appreciated.