I don't know if it's because I'm a woman, or because I'm a mom, or because I'm just "me", but I cannot get my heart around to accepting facing my child as an opponent, or seeing her defend herself.
Last night, my daughter was introduced to sparring for her first time. I couldn't believe how I felt inside me. I was proud of her, but it hurt to watch her. I wanted to run out of the room, or run into the fight, or run around in circles.
That's my baby up there dodging the kicks. That's my little girl who is shaking her hand because it landed improperly and she is hurting, but she's still fighting. I was in a nightmare. I thought that it was so difficult to get myself to face the inner turmoil within me and pull out the warrior within, but to have to watch my daughter spar.. oh gosh.. oh my gosh!
I requested that I be excluded from sparring last night, and my request was granted. So thankfully, I didn't have to face my girl personally. OH GOSH!
I can't hit my girl! Not like that! I would give my own life for her. Aargh! I've GOT to talk to Sensei about this! I have so much inner conflict at the thought of facing my daughter in sparring. Heaven help any of my dojo mates that cause my daughter any harm. I swear.. there would be nothing but "protect" conviction flying through my mind, soul, and body. I could feel that spiritual energy surging through me last night. I felt like an 8 foot brick wall wouldn't stop me if I felt that I needed to address an issue.
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4 comments:
Sparring relatives is tough.
With my gf, I was going slow until she hit me hard going: "HEY, Stop treating me like a girl RIGHT NOW"
That made me laugh so hard! I stopped altogether. I explained that I didn't want to treat her "like a girl", but that I didn't want to punch her by accident...
LOL.
Talk to your Sensei. You already said it, it never hurts to ask.
Was it fight in the lessons? Wait till it is time for tournament and her first match. When my sons compeded, it was dreadful. I could not behave as a good karateka.
Chadie
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Ha ha ha.. Mat.. I don't blame you for not wanting to punch your girlfriend.. there must be an inner wall in your heart that says "this isn't the way that I want to touch her.."
My husband and I do not have problems sparring each other, but then we spar in Shotokan ( non-contact ) The most that has happened is mild contact here or there, and we both accept and understand that there is no anger, no ego, and no competition between us. We are helping each other become better, and do not seek to work on each other's weaknesses.
You know what Chadie.. I don't know what it is about Tournaments, but I've watched my children fight in there, and I haven't felt "protective" over them. It was a different thing for me then. Tournaments were short moments of about 2 minutes.. I guess I knew that whatever happened, it would be quick.
This moment was "in class", and I really was surprised by my emotional state.
Go figure.. *shakes my head* It's like mother bear rose up in me just at the thought of my daughter as my opponent, or anyone's opponent.
I really don't understand this reaction because it hasn't happened to me before now.
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