Giving advice

The more that I train in Martial arts the more I question the idea that the higher belt is expected to give unsolicited advice, and correction to the lower belts.

This is a difficult position to place both the higher, and lower belt student. For example, the lower belt student could be struggling with the concepts that were placed before them by their Instructor such as keeping their arms in control during a kick. Then the higher belt comes along and brings attention to other aspects that may need correction. This shifts attention to a different aspect than the one that the Instructor had wanted to see improvement. Instead of benefiting the student, and enhancing understanding on the concept that he/she was working upon, now the student is dividing their energy to try to meet all of the expectations.

It would have been better if the higher belt just allowed the lower belt to work on themselves at the speed, and direction of the Sensei. Usually it will happen that when the mind focuses attention on the arms, then the other parts of the body may look a little awkward for awhile until everything smooths out. To have a higher belt reminding, and reprimanding about those other aspects makes it difficult to focus energy where it is supposed to be focused.

The higher belt also is putting forth energy in the wrong direction. They become more centered on the performance of others than on their own training. Instead of learning the main lesson of the day, they are worried about other things that are happening around them.

Yes, it is good to offer help, especially when the other student is struggling, and becoming frustrated with their efforts. Sometimes, all that it takes, is a little pointer in the right direction, and then the other person has an "aha!" moment. Also, it is good to point out some things that the lower student is doing that could cause injury to themselves. But I have found that it is best to remind myself that I am not the Sensei of this class, and it isn't up to me to teach my fellow students, in fact, it is my centered goal to work on my own skills.

When I was teaching as a Sensei I had a goal for each class. Let's say that I would want to work on the student's speed, and therefore I would overlook any technical mistakes that may happen as the student worked on improving reflexes. I would find it a little frustrating when a higher belt would correct a lower belt at that moment because everything would slow down. I'd have to state out loud "Please remember....do not worry about technique, or the placement of your feet, but work on your reaction speed." Also, I found that the noise, and actions of the higher belt/ lower belt was distracting to the flow of the class. There were times where, as a Sensei, I would be explaining something to the class, and I'd have to stop, and wait for the higher belt to finish correcting the other student before I could continue what I was saying. I appreciated the higher belt's concern for his/her fellow student, and of course, the higher belt would notice that he/she was being distracting, and stop what they were doing. However, the effect happened, the flow of the class was affected, and we had to regroup to continue.

As a student, when I would warm up with kata before class, I would find it distracting, and bothersome to have higher belts come up to me to correct my kata. All I wanted was to "do" the kata, enjoy the effort, and warm up my muscles before class. I was not focused on improving the kata, or perfecting it. I wanted to "sing" the kata. There are times when one just sings a song regardless to how good they can sing, and then there are times when one works on improving the singing. During these moments, I truly wanted to tell the higher belt to "keep their advice to themselves." It ended up that I just refused to do kata in front of any higher belts unless I felt inclined to being corrected. Sure, I appreciated that the higher belts wanted to help me. It was nice to see them investing their time, and energy towards helping me improve, but during those "singing" moments, I didn't want to stop, and dissect.

Therefore, I've become less generous on advice now when I train with lower belts. I assess the moment, the goal of the Instructor, the atmosphere, and the look on the face of the person across from me. I ask myself "Does this person look like they would appreciate some help at this moment, or are they intending to figure this out on their own?" If I have any doubt, I will ask the person "Would you like me to give you some help here?" To my joy, I have had more than one white belt say truthfully, and even with a touch of gratitude, to me, "No.. no.. I would like to slow this down, and figure it out by myself right now." It was wonderful to see their honesty, and to be able to respect it. Later on, when that person was ready, they would approach me and say something like "O.K.. I got that part of it, but how do you do this?"

I believe that many higher belts have a "sempai" syndrome where they feel like that have to be a teacher. I do not believe that we have this role in the dojo. The Sensei is the teacher, not us. I would like to believe that we are more like facilitators. We give the lower belt students a good example of what to do, and how to do it. We offer ourselves as supports through encouragement, and even suggestions when needed. We train hard so that we can improve our knowledge, skills, and abilities. However, we need to remind ourselves that each student is paying the Sensei to teach them because they want to learn from him/her. We are the side dishes, not the main course.

A tribute to my First Internet Sensei

It's been about 5 years since I met Sensei Paul on a forum that does not exist anymore. I was a beginner at Shotokan karate, barely placed a color around my waist, and I had joined a karate forum that I had hoped wasn't too active. At the time, I was homeschooling my kids, and I wanted to try to keep up with the postings. Sensei Paul was the first person to greet me. He was funny, intelligent, obviously knowledgable, and such a warm, welcoming person that I enjoyed each one of our interchanges.




One day I asked him directly to tell me what rank he had achieved in Martial Arts. I remember his response to this day "Which Art? I have a closet filled with titles.. pick one." He wasn't joking. Sensei Paul had been taking Martial Arts since he was a young boy, and has lived a life filled with various experiences. He started off learning Judo in the basement of his Sensei on a dirt floor that they would spray with water to keep the dust down achieving a high rank in that Art. In fact, he admits to me that to list all of his titles of Martial Arts would take forever, so he tells me to "just call him Paul and to think of him as a student of the Arts."





Today he teaches Tai chi. I would like to believe that my youthful exhuberance had some effect on his decision to enter this Martial Art. Through our communications, I kept hearing Sensei Paul expressing how much he desired to rekindle the same kind of energy, and joy that he kept hearing from me. I challenged him to do so, and he responded by exploring more deeply the art of Tai Chi, and achieving the rank of recognized Instructor. I was given the honor of becoming the very first honorary student of his Tai chi club. I am SO proud of my Internet Sensei: His openness to seeing the beauty of all Martial Arts, his willingness to share his knowledge with others, his humility at being able to interact with a lowly white belt beginner with the same amount of respect as if he was speaking with a Shihan, and his perseverence in spite of any obstacles that come his way. If I could have people say to me "You are JUST like Sensei Paul Danelutti..", I would be extremely happy with myself.




He taught special self defense classes to veterans, physically challenged people, mentally challenged people, children, etc. His love for Martial arts, and his joy of sharing the benefits of training have fueled him into a lifetime of affecting those around him, and helping them to believe in themselves, and their ability to surmount difficult challenges. He had the exact same effect on me through just his words sent in my direction as I struggled through my training. He held my hand when I needed support, he virtually slapped my face when I needed a wake up call, he believed in me when I had doubts, he challenged me when I felt overwhelmed. He has been with me through every class offering suggestions, encouragement, and most importantly his presence.. not physically.. no.. he lives in Florida, and I live in Canada. We have never seen each other. No.. Sensei Paul's presence, and words are centered in my heart. His comment to me of teaching with knowledge, and not derision has directed my every effort to help others as I offer people correction in the dojo.






Thank you, Sensei Paul, for sharing my path up the Shotokan mountain, and beyond. Yes, you were right. There is a Black Belt in me, I found it, and I brought it out. I didn't believe you when you said it so many years ago, but I believe you now. There were so many things that you warned me about, and forecasted that became true, and I'm so glad that I had your wisdom, and experience to guide me when things seemed to be helter skelter.

ONE day, it is my desire, to stand upon your doorstep and ask you to teach me. We will both have to be patient because I am still a mother of many children, whose first priority is to create a good future for them. BUT.. Usually, when I desire something as much as this, usually I get what I want. Do not be surprised when I show up, wearing my Gi, ready to shake your hand, give you a HUGE hug, and then have the experience of you helping me up as I "trip".

Note to self, watch what you say in front of your kids.

Non Karate moment, but learned an important lesson about communication:

I caught my son talking to his friends about what cats eat.

"Cats eat other cats" says my son with confidence.

"No Way!" says one of the little girls "They eat cat food."

"Yeah.. and they eat other cats. My MOM says so!!" argues my son "She told me that if we brought a kitten into our home, our cat would eat it for breakfast."

My eyes widened, and I almost broke out into a fit of laughter right there. I meant it metaphorically! Ha ha ha.. So now my son believes that cats are feline cannibals. I must help him realize that cats normally eat mice, birds, cat food, not other cats... at least not usually.

Training my mind ( warning contains some religious aspect)

Today I rested from all of the extra training that I've been doing this week to allow my body to recuperate. I decided to do some reading. I picked up "Spirit of a Sensei: A study of Japanese Martial Arts." written by Andrew Bowerbank.

The most enjoyable part of the book is the first section which looks at a personal in depth discussion on the effects of training in karate, and how well one remembers what they have learned from their past training. Mr. Bowerbank mentions..

"When trying to recall content much later on - for example, in an exam - many students will recall their teacher's passion first, then "follow" this feeling into that part of their memory where they can also recall the required material more precisely." (Pg 22-23)

As I read this sentence, I was hit with the truthfulness of it. Most of my strongest educational memories are attached to the person who taught that aspect of knowledge to me, and the manner in which I was taught. I have the loudest memories from those teachers that had a passion for what they taught. I could almost taste the enthusiasm, and joy that they felt as they shared the knowledge that they had within them. I felt an echo of interest, and curiousity as to why this was so important to them. As I learned more and more, I found myself embracing the joy of experiencing that previously unknown world as becoming my own.

Yes... I want my own fire, desire, and spirit for karate to infect, inspire, and bring others to the same realization of how much good Martial Arts can be for one's progress. I have seen similar concepts in many other parts of life. Almost every expression of a human being's inner creativity, and spirituality. i.e. Dance, paintings, song, sports, etc. It is the person that truly rejoices in what they are doing, and learning that attracts the eye, the mind, and the heart of others.

I've also seen it in my religion. I remember a wonderful quote that said "Faith is caught, not taught." I have always put forth my own joy, spirit, and desire for spirituality in my life as a seed to attract, inspire, and encourage others in their own path. There was so much more to sharing knowledge for me when I taught Sunday school. There was an opening up of "who" I was, and allowing the students to witness the deep vulnerable inner spirit within me.

This kind of revelation is to place oneself in danger of ridicule, and even rejection. Not everyone is attracted to a deep passion, and energy, there are some who are repulsed by such a display of dedication. Yet that is the chance that the teacher takes when putting forth in public their passion for what they have found to be of value to them.

"Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing." Albert Schweitzer

Such is why the attitude, and demeanor of the Sensei, and Sempai of a karate club is so important to the development of the lower kyu belts. Enthusiasm, and positive energy is catchy, and lifts the whole class into a level of training with full spirit which helps cement the knowledge into memory. I still have wonderful treasures of memories of moments in the dojo when the whole class worked as one to achieve the challenges placed before us by our Sensei. I remember the sparkle of appreciation, and pride that I saw in the eyes of my teacher as he watched his students surmount, and gain victory over the obstacles placed before us. It was a challenge that we shared together, and found a link of satisfaction among us at our success. We almost fed each other energy as we continued, and continued. Then at the end of class, after line up, I remember hardly being able to stand up from seiza, and watching some of my fellow students just roll over to lie on the ground facing the ceiling in exhaustion... but we all had smiles on our faces. We appreciated what we had achieved, and saw the value in it. This is where I can see Sosai Oyama's motto "All selfish desires should be roasted in the tempering fires of hard training." coming into fruition. By working together, sweating together, relying on each other with each person straining at their fullest, we learn to appreciate the goodness of each other. We share our inner spirit, joy, and dedication in a safe place where it can be encouraged, and even built up. Why did we push ourselves so hard? What motivated us to dig deeper within us to find the energy to meet the challenge? It was the passion, energy, and positive spirit of our Sensei calling out for us to meet his expectations. As a unit our class rose to the call, responded, and gave forth the best that we could. We were a team.. all being led by the guidance, and words of our instructor.

Planning ahead

As I have mentioned before, I want to compete in Tournament as a Kyokushin Adult Kata compeditor.

My goal is to attend a Tournament in Montreal next spring. Now is the time to train, and prepare for that competition. However as a Mom with many kids my time is precious and limited. Also, my body only allows me to train THIS much before it starts to overwork, and shut down. I have to be very careful as to how much I do, and when I do it. Considering that I am continuing my Kyokushin classes 3 times a week, and I'm visiting the Tae Kwon Do classes with my daughter also, I realize that I have to be gentle, and wise with my tournament training at home.

I have set up a blog to keep track of my efforts, organize them as best as possible, and to post my progress. Feel free to visit there whenever you want.

Kata training Blog

Looking at sugar a little more closely

Wow.. that experience that I just went through was something else. I've been looking back at it with introspection. As Sosai Masutatsu Oyama stated "Introspection begets wisdom. Therefore, see contemplation of your actions as opportunities to improve."

My body was sending me huge warning signs as I ate the first dessert that I had had enough calories being put into my system. I was getting loud "That's enough" signs. Yet, through encouragement from others, my resolve broke down and I went for a second, even MORE sugar filled dessert. It didn't take many words of support to convince me to go for more since I mentally wanted to have that treat. Physically, my body was almost screaming.. "No more!" I didn't listen, and I truly paid the price.

Now is where I wonder.. How did my body know that I was eating too many calories? It takes hours for the food to digest, and for the blood sugar level to rise in my system. What signals were telling my body to already start reacting negatively to the oncoming food?

I have read information that states that a person's body will react before that person takes a drink, or smokes a cigarette. Scientists have found that people need only to think about doing such things, and the body already starts chemically preparing for the onslaught. Does our body have a similar system for food intake?
Is there a pre-digestion system that looks at what we already have in our system, and sends symptoms of "FULL". I do know that our body has a system of familiarity. You can only eat so many items of one type before your body sends loud "full" symptoms, but if you switch to another type of food, then your body will feel hungry again.

Through my searches on the internet, I have found this wonderful resource which gives suggestions towards a more balanced, and healthy way to eat food. Here are the first four suggestions:

1.Know what being hungry feels like. This takes some practice. Know that being hungry is a feeling of needing food, any food, in the pit of your stomach. It is not your mind thinking about what it wishes you could eat.

2.When you're eating a meal, stop when you're satisfied, not when you're full. Don't you hate when you feel as if your stomach is so gorged it's going to explode? This is a sign that you have made a mistake in how you just ate.

3.Eat only when you're actually hungry. U.S culture seems to think that people get hungry at about 9 AM, 12 noon, and again at 6 PM. While this may be a generally good schedule for eating, remember that (usually) you don't have to eat at meal time if you're not hungry yet. Also, if you are hungry between meals, go ahead and have a healthy snack.

4.Realize that in general, your portion sizes are probably too big. Accepted portion sizes have practically doubled in the past 50 years. Remember that your stomach is about the size of your fist. Don't expect to stuff 10 times that amount of food into it without negative consequences.

This website is FILLED with wonderful practical tips that I know I will implement in my daily eating. I am aware that the healthier my body becomes, the louder will my body be when it recognizes something happening that is not good for it. Therefore, in the past, when my system was groggy, and less perceptive, eating a large amount of junk food didn't seem to affect me much. I could sit down and eat almost an entire large pizza in one sitting, downing a large pepsi, and then eat a large ice cream blizzard, and I'd just feel a mild complaint. My body was too sluggish to really react. But now.. it looks like all of my efforts to improve my circulation, digestion, and abilities are working. I abused my eating for one thing, and WHAM!! My body slams me with an extreme reaction of response. Hmm.. I guess that this is a good thing.. *wince*

Taking the bus, and feeling the sugar

Taking the bus:

My husband is not driving me to and from the dojo anymore as he is working in the evenings, so I take the bus. This usually isn't a problem, but this week I wanted to bring the big kicking bag with me. What made matters worse is that I was attempting to carry on my backpack heavy with karate things, AND the bulky kicking bag onto a bus that was packed with Rush Hour travellers.

It was quite a juggling act to not thump one person's head with the bag, and to avoid slamming the legs of another person with the backpack. Suddenly a kind gentleman saw my predicament, and offered to keep the kicking bag under his legs for the majority of the trip. I sighed with gratitude. WHAT a ride that was!! What an experience that I do not wish to repeat.

Here is another experience that I do not wish to repeat. I went out with my mother, and sisters for lunch to celebrate my upcoming birthday. As some of you are aware, I have been changing my diet to reflect healthier eating. However, due to the "buffet" environment, and the fact that I wanted to relax, and enjoy myself. Not only did I get myself one dessert after the meal a chocolate mousse.. I went for another WORSE one.. a triple decked sundae. I walked out of that restaurant totally overfilled with sugar. My stomach felt like a lump in the center of me. Then, about four hours later during karate class.. I felt horrible. My joints felt stiff, and unbendable. I had a headache at the back of my head. I had no energy.. none.. it took immense concentration just to force my body to get into a stance. I was sluggish, and uncomfortable to the point of wanting to give up. I felt like a moving cadaver. I even groaned like a zombie with almost every movement.

I had to admit that the ONLY change this day was that I had eaten too much sugar. I'm not used to eating a ton of sugar like this anymore. Now, I had dumped SO much sugar into my system that I was suffering from it. I swear that I felt so awful it put the "fear" of eating sugar again into me. I'm not kidding.

Here we go to Taekwondo

My daughter comes home with a newsletter from her school stating that Taekwondo classes start this week, and that people interested can come visit, and train for free for that class. Her eyes filled with hope, and that "PLEASE" look, as she asked me if I would take her to this introductory session. "All of my friends are going to this.. I want to go be with them."

Now.. I wasn't against her doing another art as long as she commited herself to this. I was all for her learning more about another Martial art, and seeing the differences. She had achieved 8th kyu in Shotokan, and 8th kyu in Kyokushin. Why not look into Taekwondo? The only concern that I had was finances. Can we afford Martial arts classes again? Ever since I had stopped paying for Shotokan training, our family budget had started having room to breath again. I wasn't eager to start paying for membership fees, testing fees, class fees, tournaments, seminars, etc. etc. again.

With a breath of resignation, I gathered up my Gi, and a white belt, and accompanied my girl to this Taekwondo class to support her interest in another art. It was true that all of my daughter's friends were there, as soon as we entered the gym, she was surrounded by at least 6 other kids her age who were cheering the fact that she had been allowed to come. I saw my girl just glow with joy at being in this environment.. her own school, with her friends.. to do Martial arts.

The Instructor was a very kind, and knowledgeable gentleman who offered a well structured class that appealed to the student. It gave enough challenge, but at the same time allowed the practioner to regroup inbetween sets of exercises.
It was in a similar vein to every other Martial arts class that I've taken, warm up, basics, conditioning exercises, patterns. I had approached the Instructor before class started to mention that I'd like to partake in the class to support my daughter's interest. I didn't wish to sit at the back of the gym and watch when I could be up and training. I warned him that I was already training in a different Martial art, and that I was not seeking to advance in TaeKwondo. He gave me a warm welcome, and invited me to work out with his club doing my own Art on the side.

Well.. after the class, the payments were explained, and I was pleasantly surprised by the affordability of these lessons. This Instructor was obviously doing a type of outreach club for those children who could not afford to learn Martial arts in a commercial dojang. He had made it possible for my family to consider budgeting in Taekwondo lessons for our daughter. Since I was walking my daughter to, and from her lessons on Monday, the Instructor encouraged me to continue "working out" with his club instead of sitting on the bench and watching the class, and to do my Kyokushin kata when they focus on patterns, and sparring. What a SWEETHEART of an Instructor!!

I should have listened to my kids...

"Mom?" my 12 year old daughter said to me with deep concern "It's pretty hot outside, maybe you shouldn't wear your raincoat to karate class."

"But.. I have to leave now to catch my bus, and what else can I wear over my Gi that will hide it?? I'll be fine.." I responded.

"No.. Mom.." echoed my 8 year old son "It's hot out.."

"I've gotta go!.. sorry.. I'll be o.k." I said.

DUH! I should have listened to my kids. I was HOT! SO HOT!!! I had the usual equipment on me for training: shin pads, protection, t shirt, Gi pants, and jacket, and belt on, and then over that I had this big bulky raincoat, and sweat pants over the Gi pants. I was carrying my backpack that felt as heavy as a 5 year old child.

I stood waiting by the bus feeling like I was in standing in a sauna. The raincoat had NO ventilation, and it was a dark navy blue color. People walked past me in shorts, and a t shirt giving me strange looks at how dressed up I was.

I stood there pretending that I was exactly where I wanted to be, and how I wanted to be. Oh Gosh, it felt good to strip away the raincoat, and sweat pants when I arrived at the dojo. I sat in the grass in the shade waiting for people to arrive, and cooled down as much as possible before class started.

That wasn't too keen of me, to put myself through so much heat exhaustion BEFORE class started. My gi was drenched in sweat already, and I hadn't thrown a single punch.

OH... I went to the gym with my husband on Monday. We paid the $10 visitors fee, and I had access to all of the various cool equipment. I tried out the special resistance training machines that use air to cause tension. COOL! Yet.. I kept looking longingly at the basketball court and thinking.. Wow.. such a nice open area for kata. Finally, I couldn't resist anymore. I left my husband working on the various cool expensive machines, and I took off my shoes. I entered the empty basketball court and joyfully proceeded to do kata after kata nonstop. I lost count of how many I did. It didn't matter.. I was having fun. A WHOLE basketball court size of empty smooth flooring space to do kata!! All to myself! No wasps. No neighbours calling encouragement. No people driving by and yelling obscenities. No sticks, rocks, grass, or bumps in the ground. No tables, chairs, or walls to interrupt movement. No children asking me if they can do this, or eat that. No one correcting me as I performed. No one calling out a count, but just me and my kata. I was in heaven! An hour and a half later, I noticed my husband leaving the exercise machines, and I went up to him smiling, all breathless, and with drops of sweat dripping off of each one of my hair strands. I couldn't believe that it was time to go already. Those exercise equipment were interesting. It was nice to see all of the technology at work. It took my heart rate, provided a nice wind, showed me how many calories that I had burned, how fast I was moving, what muscles were working.. but all of this just couldn't compete in my heart with a nice large private open floor space.

The internet is right, it took a year.

About a year ago, I had one of my toenails damaged to the point where it fell off:
Injury, nail pops open, nail pops off

The information that I received on the internet was that it would take close to 18 months for a new nail to grow in. I can attest that finally I have a nail on my toe that looks almost normal, and it has been nearly a year of time. So, although one cannot believe everything that one reads, or learns, one should be open to possibilities and potential knowledge available on the web.

Sure.. I've seen, and read some rather unbelievable statements that I have to shake my head and wonder if it's real. For example, in Japan, is it true that a drinking product is sold called Pocari Sweat where they have factories of an animal called a Pocari housed in a warm environment with collector tubes attached to their sweat glands to capture the sweat, and then they sell this like bottled water?

Check it out.

You MUST be kidding me! Who in their right mind would want to drink the sweat of an animal that looks like a grey half cat/ half rat? Who would pay for such bottled stuff? Who would accept that kind of animal abuse.. IF this this happening? But there it is on the net, over and over, labeled bottles of pocari sweat available for purchase at only $2.60 a bottle. Someone is buying it, otherwise the product couldn't exist.

Not everyone is a nice person on this earth. I like to believe in the goodness of others, and people like to believe that they are always the good guys, but I have learned through experience that there are many who have developed different outlooks, and goals for themselves. Perhaps it is their pride that overruns their good judgement, or perhaps it is internal faulty values that guides their thoughts, but these people make their own lives miserable by the negative emotions, choices, and thoughts that swirl in them.

For example, my daughter and I were riding the bus home. The bus driver had to stop a little sharply for one of the stops. We passengers was unbalanced some by the momentum. My daughter and I calmly brought our balance back into play, adjusted, and waited patiently. However, the fact that this happened totally unsettled one of the lady passengers who then erupted in a cascade of anger, and swear words towards the driver for the next 5 minutes until she stepped off of the bus. She attacked his skill as a driver, and his personal character. I heard the driver defending himself against her charges, and then I realized something important. There was really no need for him to defend himself. The anger, and negativeness of the woman was coming from a spot within her, not from the fact that the driver had to stop the bus more sharply than usual. None of the other passengers were reacting negatively, we all had calmly readjusted our balance to compensate. None of us had the slightest inclination to even complain. This one woman was speaking as if we were "with" her in her opinions, and anger... but we weren't. In fact, what I saw in the eyes of the other passengers was a non-emotive response of "Leave the busdriver alone, get it over with so we can continue in our travels"

That woman got off of the bus, and walked away still angry and cursing. I could see her carrying her anger with her all the way down the street. I turned to my daughter and said "She is hurting herself. This negative anger is causing all sorts of damaging chemicals, and stress hormones to be released into her body which will cause tons of chain reactions. The longer that she carries this anger within her, the more damage she will do to herself. Learn to react to a moment, learn what motivates your response, look at how you are judging others behaviours, and learn to calm yourself down, and see the bigger picture so that you can let go of the little things, and live a happier life." I remember a very good, wise, priest friend of mine saying to me "Standing at the end of a dock crying, and feeling sorry for the whales predicament will not change anything. All that you will get is a headache, and a sore stomach. The whales will be no better off. Choosing not to embrace, or accept the attitudes, and behaviours that has placed the whales in the situation that they are in can change your life and theirs."

I have seen this Pocari sweat product, realized where it's source comes from, and personally decided that I would not support such a thing. I have seen the negative reaction of that woman discharged at someone who was just doing his job, and I have decided that I do not want that in my life.

There are alot of judgements that people like to place on each other which should be shrugged off. Ideas like "fat people shouldn't bother exercising". Honestly, who in this society of overweight children, and adults needs to consider improving their lifestyle the most?? There is no shame in starting off in exercise as a fat person, and working towards a healthier lifestyle by training, and eating more healthy. However, this effort takes humility, because when you start training as a fat person, there are many people with negative judgemental attitudes that will attempt to discourage you from your goal. They will wag their tongues, and give you disgusted "looks" to shame you back into hiding in your home, eating chocolate ice cream, and watching t.v.. Again I quote my wise priest friend "Choosing not to embrace, nor accept the attitudes, and behaviours that have placed the whales in that position can change your life, and theirs."

Since Christmas, my husband has lost 40 pounds, and I have lost 30 pounds. Does that make me a better person? No. Does it change my value, nor the effort that I have placed towards my karate training? No. Does it enhance my knowledge of karate? No. All of these things were there regardless of my physical side. The changes of losing weight means that my clothes are now baggy on me, and I have to get another wardrobe. Also, I have gained some greater physical health benefits. Less chance of diabetes, heart problems, sleep problems, etc. If I had allowed the negative attitudes of other people dictate whether or not I trained in martial arts, I would have chosen a different path. I would have continued avoiding all exercise, and eating tons of unhealthy food. Today, I would probably weigh in over 230 lbs by now, and have such an unhealthy lifestyle that I would have difficulty walking from my kitchen to my dining room. I am SO grateful for the gift that my first Sensei gave to me when I approached him and asked to join his dojo. The honest respect, acceptance, and dignity that he gave to me which allowed me to see myself as something other than a fat, useless, out of shape, sickly, ugly, and unwanted person opened the potential for so much progress in my life. He saw the predicament of the whale, and chose to embrace a different perspective. When others saw futility, he saw potential. It only took the hope of a promise in his eyes that perhaps I might be able to achieve something to fuel the same hopes within me.

Sure.. we human beings can affect each other negatively, or positively, but I believe that in the end, it is our own personal choice whether we stand and cry for the whales, or choose to change ourselves.

Aloha, and farewell my students

The Party was a wonderful success! The dojo was filled with parents, siblings, and students. The group had brought so many healthy alternatives to snack on: vegtable platters, Melon platters, grapes. Also, we had enough junk food to satisfy an army: Chips, cupcakes, cookies.

We gathered around and watched action clips from classic Martial arts movies such as "Enter the Dragon" with Bruce Lee ( his fight scene with Ohara.. Wow.. It's nearly inhuman how fast Bruce Lee moved!), "First Strike" with Jackie Chan ( the Ladder scene! Fantastic display of using so many unusual objects to defend himself effectively. I can never look at drywall, brooms, or ladders the same way.), "The One" with Jet Li ( This movie really didn't do him justice to his skill, but wow.. I couldn't resist the special effects scene of him fighting himself in the shower of electical sparks.), and "Ong Bak" with Tony Jaa ( The "running away from the bad guys" scene. I chose this as the final clip because I could teach my students that we train really hard so that we can run faster than our opponents, and get away from the fighting as soon as possible. Tony Jaa made jumping over moving cars, and over/through crowds look like simple actions. I made it a point to tell my students not to try this at home.). I made sure that the clips contained minimal violence, well as minimal as a Martial arts fight scene could have :-), and no swear words or adult content. Wow.. that was a challenge, but I was successful.

My students gave me a wonderful card which had a prose that truly touched my heart.

"Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time carrying our hopes for love, joy, and celebration. Like a hummingbird, we aspire to hover and savor each moment as it passes, embrace all that life has to offer, and to celebrate the joy of everyday. The hummingbird's delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning, and that laughter is life's sweetest creation." ( I was told that these words reminded my student of me, and of my teachings during class.)

I was also presented with a lovely Lucky Bamboo planter. It's beautifying my dining room as I type. I was rewarded with so much moments of appreciation, and overflow of gratitude from these students. Little moments of just meeting each others eyes, recognizing the sorrow within us, understanding that this is a moment that needs to happen, and respecting the ongoing path of each person. I was warmed by the wonderful moments of interaction between my students parents and myself. Truly, it felt like a community had gathered together for these brief moments.

I didn't cry. Not there.. not in front of my students. I was able to control my mind, and present a joyful, supportive, and encouraging face to them. I introduced the name of the next black belt that will be taking over this dojo after the renovations will be finished on the facility, and gave the students a brief introduction to what a kind, knowledgeable, and enjoyable Sensei he will be for them. The students walked away with faces filled with hope, and expectation for the future.

But now.. at 3 am in the morning.. the tears fall, and I let them because they are a sign of how much this past half year has meant to me. It was such a great experience, and I will cherish the memories.

I was approached by the supervisor of my facility, and asked how long it will take for me to reach black belt in Kyokushin so that I can instruct. I had to smile, and respond that it may take a few years. I was told that as soon as I am able to teach that it is expected that I return and open a Kyokushin dojo in the facility. What a compliment!

Who knows.. perhaps I am being called to walk down that path, but right now it is time for me to focus on my training and improve my knowledge.

Goodbye Mizu Dojo, and Aloha to all of my students:

A Aloha = love, friendshop, hello, good bye
L Lokahi = working together for a common goal, sticking together as friends, as family, as a nation
O = Ohana, family, not necessarily blood-related, everyone helps everyone, noone is left alone ( remember the movie Lilo and Stitch : Ohana, means family, noone is left behind or forgotten )
H = Ho'oponopono = a problem is discussed and all sides are heard, either there is an agreement after that or not, but after all has been said and heard, not matter what, there is ho'oponopono, people don't talk about it anymore ( pono means righteous in Hawaiian )
A = again Aloha

Animation of the "Boot to the head" skit by the Frantics

A short comical piece about a Martial arts master in "Tae kwon leap", and a very annoying student that gets to learn an important lesson about patience, and skill.

This movie was made using characters from the Warcraft video game and is based on a skit done by The Frantics ( a Canadian comedy troop.)

Deep thoughts with my daughter

Daughter being sick with a cold, and Mom spent the early morning hours, where the sun, and moon both stay out of the sky, talking deep thoughts together. What a special moment!

One of the greatest things that our discussion helped reveal to me was a greater understanding of the concept that "the eyes are the window of the soul."

She and I spoke at length, and worked ourselves into the realization that a person with a compassionate spirit will see compassion in others. A person filled with distrust will see the negative in others. A person filled with anger will see insult, and derision in the words and actions of others regardless to the reality of what is happening.

AND then suddenly, we both understood where violence, and bullying comes from.. It comes from the thoughts, and energy within the person. I had an AHA! moment as I thought of Sensei Gichin Funakoshi's maxim: "There is no first strike in karate." I don't believe that Sensei Funakoshi is speaking against pre-emptive attacks, I believe that he is talking about the attitude of the mind, and heart of a black belt in karate. I think that he expects that someone who has trained in the Way ( Do) of Karate would not be seeking to express violence, and aggression as a "bully" would. The actions of a Martial Artist would be centered in controlling the moment through perception of possibilities, clarity of thought, and reaction to the best alternatives.

A fulfilled Martial artist would not need to show forth superiority towards others, they would be comfortable within their own skills accepting both their strong aspects, and weaker parts as just "who" they are. "The out come of the battle depends on how you handle weakness and strength." A Martial Artist following the Way ( Do ) would not need to harm others through physical strikes, or verbal insults to prove that they have the ability to do so, nor to harm themselves with the same weapons because they feel inadequate.

My daughter and I puzzled over the thought that bullies must be living in a world where they see an insult in every person who challenges their view of reality. Bullies would not be able to understand, nor recognize, the goodness in others since they live in a world of violence.

My greatest question that came out of our discussion was: How can a bully change their world view so that they can escape this kind of personal negative environment?

It's not happening

"This morning I placed a large book on the floor, put my head on it, and my hands beside it on their palms, and proceeded to "pretend" to my body that I was just doing another head stand. The intense sounds of distress that erupted from me as I kicked up my legs attracted my husband's attention. I sounded like a whimpering puppy, but I achieved an inversion with my weight on my hands and head instead of on my forearms and head. I held the position until the fear dissipated, and then gently allowed myself to go back down into a huddled position of security with my knees on the ground.

It is my goal to do this action many times a day..."

I'm not achieving this goal this week. Sure, I managed to do the exercise on the first day, but as soon as the second day rolled around, I'd just have to walk near the usual place that I do this activity for terror to swirl around in the pits of my stomach, and suddenly washing dishes seemed like such an important thing to do. I'd convince myself that I have all day to face that inversion moment, so I should go and fold laundry right now. Then, when there was enough time to invert, and I had no excuses, I'd stand there, consider inverting, and just turn around and walk away. It was beyond my mental strength to force myself to do this activity. I'd argue with myself as I walked away saying "If it was a headstand, you'd be up there, and back down by now. What's your problem?"

My problem is memories. I have memories ingrained within me. Nasty horrible memories from when I was a child of being suspended upside down by my ankles over a lake with my fingertips touching the cold water, and knowing that I don't know how to swim, and hearing the taunting laughter, and begging to be allowed to go back safe to the shoreline where the water wasn't so deep, and feeling that sickening feeling of being tossed into deep water, and feeling the panic of bubbling water rushing around my whole body, and flailing my arms and legs in an attempt to get somewhere safe.. anywhere safe.. and then feeling the cold wet sand at my toes finally and knowing that if I'm lucky I can push myself with my legs closer to where I can stand up and breath.. Trying to run away from the danger in the water against it's resistance only to be captured again, and suspended again to the cruel torturing laughter. The moment happening over and over again until panic and fear became cemented in my being. Upside down on my hands means childhood horror that tastes as fresh as if it was happening again right at this moment.

I've studied about this phenomena in Psychology. Our minds make special chemicals that it attaches to memories of extreme moments to make them more permanent. I have to blame the Amygdala in my brain for this heightened memory. Those little bundles of neurons set deep within my brain helped create this hard wired memory to protect me from future moments of similar nature. Fear, pain, and negative emotions caused this memory to be created in my head, and it surges out each time that I invert on my hands. The panic is real. It's not just an echo of my former fear.. it IS my former fear.

Somehow, I have to convince my body, and mind that achieving a handstand is not the same action as being suspended over a lake by the ankles by someone 3 times older than you. I have managed to convince myself that a headstand is not the same.. now how do I go about it with a handstand?

Wow... what a wonderful last class with my students.

We enjoyed ourselves. Inspired by Sensei Jean Frenette, I decided to bring in some music from the Japanese Anima cartoon "Naruto". There are some fight songs that last exactly 2 minutes. I had the students doing their basics to the rhythm of the fight song to give them a feel of what a sparring session could be like. First, I found that the students didn't feel the rhythm of the song.. the 1, 2, 3, 4 beat. We worked on that together, and then I had to adjust the basics to involve 4 movements forwards and 4 movements backwards. I found that the students, and I moved more in fighting stance than in strong set front stances.. but that was o.k. It introduced them to the idea that if they ever had to use their karate in a quick manner that they wouldn't be ending up in a perfect stance. I learned that direct stepping is far faster than C stepping. This was a revelation to me as I was always told that C stepping would bring me more quickly into range of my opponent.. but when I tried to C step to the music, my feet were too slow to keep up with the pace. I could see how C stepping is an important movement to cultivate when doing self defense, and looking to throw your opponent, or to spin around them, but if you want to close the gap really quickly direct stepping gets you there solidly, and efficiently.

My students were able to grasp doing the kata to music, and the more advanced students were able to work together as a unit to achieve almost a team kata moment as they did continual kata to the song. There was a feeling of unity of purpose, and movement. I had 5 students constantly checking each other for what each was doing, and adjusting to make the kata happen.

I learned that one truly needs to relax throughout the movement, and tense only at the end of it to achieve a good technique when attempting to match the flow of the music. If you try to throw the technique too tightly, you miss the beat.

It was so much fun to do the kata to various types of songs. There was a light hearted song, a sad slow song, a fighting song, and a lovely song. Each one gave a different feeling as you did kata. I could see the students respond to the fighting song with deeper stances, and more concentration on kime, yet with the light-hearted song there was more smoothness, control, and flow to the movements.

Every single student, including Sensei, came out of this class flushed, and covered in sweat, and yet one of the students remarked to the other in shock "NO Way! That wasn't an hour, was it? It felt like 10 minutes..."

At the end of class, I looked at each student almost to memorize their faces. I explained that musical kata is not part of most Martial arts styles, in fact, it can be considered an abomination of kata by some Martial artists. I went on to tell them that I feel that using music while training is a tool that can make a kata more aerobic an activity, or to help one to learn to relax, and enjoy their karate, but that it should not be the way that one trains in kata all of the time. Kata, I told them, is designed to teach our bodies how to move in a self defense situation, and needs to be done with that mental attitude. However, the challenge of trying to do a kata to music, as my students had experienced, made one quite aware of how easy it is to become lost, and make mistakes, and want to give up. There will be many moments in their lives when they will be faced with a challenge such as a really hard math problem, and they will want to just give up. One of the things that karate teaches is that they can succeed against such problems, they only need to continue trying, and working towards their goals. The first time that they did a front kick it felt awkward, was weak, and didn't look too good, but in time, after practice, and correction, and more practice they achieved a front kick that was effective. If they treat that math question with the same type of attitude, they will learn how to be victorious over it, and will progress. I finished my class telling my students the quote that a black belt is a white belt that never quit, and that each one of them has a bright future ahead of them, they only need to keep working towards the promises that they make to themselves each time that they say the Dojo Kun: that they seek perfection of character, will be faithful, will endeaver to excel, will respect others, and will refrain from violent behaviour.

My supervisor came to visit our class just to tell me how much she will miss my presence at this facility. She assured me that as soon as I am ready to teach Kyokushin karate she would request, and even expect, for me to come to her and open a Kyokushin dojo as a Sensei. She wants me to come back as soon as possible.

Next week, my students and I will gather together for one last time. I have chosen to have a farewell party that day. All of us are bringing treats to eat, and I have chosen little Martial arts clips from various fantastic actors such as Jet Li, Tony Jaa, Jackie Chan, and Bruce Lee to show the kids as we party together. I smiled and said to the kids "Yes.. these are movies that you normally wouldn't have access to because they are restricted. So if you tell your parents that Sensei let you watch "Enter the Dragon" at class.. holy cow.. Sensei would be in trouble.. but I'm not letting you watch the movie.. I'm just showing you a clip of the Martial arts that I've already previewed for content. So for our last class together, the parents are welcome to come watch movies, and eat treats with us. Hopefully that way I won't get into too much trouble."

Yes, I'm going to miss these students. Wherever they go, I will keep them in my heart, prayers, and memories. For a short while we trained in karate together, and learned more about ourselves, and about each other. I am grateful to have had this experience in my life.

Refusing to accept negative labels by others

I've had a recent understanding about my life, and where I came from, and where I want to be.

As a child, there have been many people who have labeled me into what they thought I was, I've been called malicious by some, useless by others, weak, stubborn, stupid, or ugly. It took quite awhile before I understood who I really was because I had allowed the opinions of these people to infect my vision of myself. I realized that sure.. these qualities can exist in anyone at anytime of their lives, but they are not what makes a person who they are. No one is perfect, and no one is evil. In reality there is no such thing as a "good" guy, and a "bad" guy. There are only choices that one makes in their lives. Some people make choices based on their pride, some make choices based on emotion, some make choices based on money, and other reasons. I had to ask myself what do I base my choices upon.. and the answer was "peace". I have to do that which brings peace to my soul. Now, peace does not mean that it is an easy choice. Sometimes a peaceful choice hurts quite alot, but I know within me that it is the right choice, and I feel secure about my decision.

When I had to make the difficult decision to put in my resignation as a Sensei, I stood upon the solidity of "who" I am on the inside. Sure.. many people have jumped to different assumptions as to what the reasons are, and why things are happening the way that they are.. but they do not know the whole story, and neither will they be able to know it. Sometimes they are not ready to see the reality of what is happening around them. I keep hearing one of my favorite Paul Simon songs "The Boxer" playing in my head " Still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest." Many people are looking for the "bad" guy, looking for someone to blame for the fact that this event happened. In the main center of all understanding, I can say that there is no "bad" guy. There is only the truth that things have followed their path until this event became the result. Yes.. I love Shotokan karate. Yes.. I invested years of training, and money into it. I do not regret doing so. I have learned many things that I will carry with me into the future. Regardless to which style of karate I belong to, I will still be "me". My love for kata still exists, my joy has not ceased, and my energy hasn't lessened.

I know who I am, and what I want to be, and I know that I continually struggle for my goals. Perhaps the struggle involves moments where things do not happen as gracefully as I would like them to happen, but I continue the struggle. It reminds me of the ending of Paul Simon's song:

"In the clearing stands a boxer and a fighter by his trade,
And he carries the reminders of every glove that laid him down,
Or cut him ’til he cried out in his anger and his shame,
"i am leaving, I am leaving."
But the fighter still remains."

What a wonderful Hangetsu!

I LOVE it! I LOVE it!

The sand, the incoming waves, the quietness of the kata, the strength and focus of the Artist!

FANTASTIC!!!

Here we go.. working on handstands again.

Having achieved the ability to do a headstand without total inner panic,
You can follow the progress here:
Positives, and negatives,
2 1/2 minutes achieved
Things that I have learned...
Benefits of Inversion
Sickly Green Dragon of fear
5 minute headstand achieved)

I have now challenged myself to work upon achieving a hand stand.

This morning I placed a large book on the floor, put my head on it, and my hands beside it on their palms, and proceeded to "pretend" to my body that I was just doing another head stand. The intense sounds of distress that erupted from me as I kicked up my legs attracted my husband's attention. I sounded like a whimpering puppy, but I achieved an inversion with my weight on my hands and head instead of on my forearms and head. I held the position until the fear dissipated, and then gently allowed myself to go back down into a huddled position of security with my knees on the ground.

It is my goal to do this action many times a day until the panic subsides, and then to raise the height of the books up another inch so that more weight is onto my hands, and my arms are farther extended. Hopefully within a few months, I will be able to do this action, and then remove the books after achieving a headstand. Then, perhaps.. just perhaps.. I may be able to do a handstand with no crutches to help me.

Big wide eyes of inspiration, and well..almost adoration

Sensei Jean Frenette from Montreal



This traditional style kata done to such lovely music has not failed to mesmerize me. I've watched it more than once, and each time I keep thinking "Oh.. I want to be able to do that!" Watching Sensei Frenette perform this kata reminds me of my inner hunger to bring kata to the point where it comes alive, and where my whole body feels each move as it's own point in time. I've been brought to tears of appreciation more than once. I want to move swiftly, decisively, cleanly, powerfully, and yet gracefully.. just like he does.



In this musical kata, we see Sensei Frenette's "Joie de vivre" expressed in his Martial arts. There is such a joy, freedom, and fluidity in the performance. In my eyes, this is not a fighting kata, although the movements can be used for fighting. This is a celebration of movement. It is a display of ability, and a wonderful one at that.

I hope that I can develop my kata to the point where I can show forth the same amount of spirit, and energy, and inspire others to applying themselves on their path.

I don't know what to call myself now.. :-)

I realize that I still have my Shodan certificate from the J.K.A. Organization. Therefore, I must be a Shotokan karate-ka. It's just that I do not have a place that I train in right now.

In addition to this, I belong to the International Kyokushin Organization #3 with a Green belt ( 4th kyu ).

BUT to top things off, and to bring a big wide smile on my lips, I have been officially invited, and accepted as an Associate Black belt member of H.R.G.B ( Hikaru Ryu). Check it out!
Thank you Shihan Colin.

Also, I have been officially invited, and have accepted joining M.C.L.A.A. (Molum Combat Arts Association) as an affiliate Black belt from Canada. Check it out Thank you Sigung Tim White.

I am so honored, and humbled. Domo Arigato Gozaimasu

It feels like one door closed, but 15 doors were blasted open by the sound of the slamming.

I don't know what to call myself now.. I guess I could say that I'm a black belt that studies Martial arts. If someone asks me which style, I'll have to say "whichever one that I'm in at the moment."

Yes, I've been quiet lately

It's been a week since my last posting on this blog. I've been quietly going through the moments, decisions, and actions that will change my Martial arts path onto new avenues. There have been moments of heavy sadness, and moments of surprising warmth, and support.

Being a Martial artist can bring alot of fun to one's day. For example, I have requested that my children each get one chance a day to "scare" their Mom. As part of my training, I am learning how to become comfortable with the adrenaline surge that accompanies a sudden sound/ action, and to learn how to breath through it so that I do not freeze. Therefore, 2 of my kids can scare me on Fri., Sat., Sun., and 2 other children are allowed to frighten me Mon, Tues., Wed.. I get to take Thursday off.. it's my "free" day.

Now, my kids have tried and tried to scare me, but their sneaking skills are not quite up to scale yet. I've heard them setting up, or heard them giggling before their attempt, and I wasn't caught off guard. If their attempt fails, they have to wait until the next day to try again.

Well.. my daughter successfully frightened me to the point of looking like a cat hanging off of the ceiling by my claws this morning. I screamed out at her sudden appearance, and kiai, and I felt adrenaline surge through me. I forced myself to breath it out.. and my daughter took off running for the kitchen victoriously laughing all of the way. Once I could gather my wits, I called out "You.. OH YOU!..." which brought even more giggles of laughter from the kitchen.

The more this goes on, the more I feel like Inspector Clouseau defending himself from Kato. ( from the Pink Panther movies..)

If life was like a movie at least it would make some sense

I'm still working through the emotional rollercoaster ride of grief. I'm going through all of the stages,( anger, sadness, denial, bargaining, and then acceptance ) over and over in spirals.

If only life was like a good movie, sure there are sad parts in a movie, but usually in the end there is a reason, or a hero, or a conclusion. But life isn't like that.. it's like randomly interspaced events that happen sporadically due to outside forces.

When I accepted the position of Sensei, I embraced it fully, and with all energy that I possessed. I built up my surroundings to support this new life. I started saving up money to be able to represent my dojo in Montreal next year. I made leaps of personal choices, and sacrifices to live up to the position of Sensei. I set up a dojo website, and two webpages to keep in contact with my students so that they can be informed on the latest news. I started planning my schedule based on what I could do to support my dojo.

Then, in one epiphany of understanding this week of how all of the various threads tied together, I KNEW that I could not continue as a Sensei, nor even continue training in Shotokan. I ask myself.. Why did it take so long for me to see all of this? I already knew that these issues were there, why did I accept the position of Sensei in the first place? Did I think that the issues were going to disappear, or become less relevant? No.. I had the silly notion that the issues weren't that important as long as I knew what my goals, and values were in my life.

Being a Sensei meant that I could do something that I loved to do, and receive payment for it. It meant that I could say something to others at a party when they asked me what I did for a living. Normally I would answer "I'm a homemaker.." and I'd get the response "That's it?" Being able to say "I'm a Sensei of a dojo..", well.. their eyes would widen, and suddenly I'd see their faces change from bland to interested. It meant that I could bring home some extra money to help with sudden expenses. During the month of July, our water bill had tripled due to the negligence of my children. It was my Sensei money that paid for this sudden drain on our finances.

Gosh I'm going to miss them... my students. I only had a handful of them, but Wow.. they were great. They deserved better than me as a Sensei.

When I tell my family and friends that I'm not a Sensei anymore.. I see the disappointment in their eyes, bodies, and responses. They believe that I chickened out, that I "didn't have what it took", that being a Sensei was too hard for me, and that I ran away from the responsibility. They don't understand why I did what I did, and it's very difficult to explain it to them. The words "I have to stand up to my values" just seem to fall flat in front of me because I cannot explain every single issue, and detail that built up into this important decision. They would have to watch the movie to understand the ending. Heck.. I'm IN the movie, and I barely understand. I just know that I have to do what is right for me to be able to live with myself no matter how much it hurts. I really wish that this moment had a happy ending for everyone.. but it's not going to be that way at first, maybe with time things will end up happy, but right now, at this moment, many people are hurting.

No longer am I a Sensei

I have had to make a severe choice in my path as a Martial artist. I could not continue walking as a Sensei without feeling a deep responsibility as to what I was offering my students. Due to this inner motivation, I have had to sacrifice everything to be true to myself.

I put in my resignation as Sensei of Mizu Dojo today, and I am going to keep to this commitment. I am walking away from Shotokan karate, and embracing Kyokushin Karate fully.

It has always been difficult to chase two Arts at once, and the demand on my body, on my family, and on my financial resources has been immense.

It has not been an easy decision to stop being a Sensei as I have already developed a deep bond with my students. They have been a joy to teach. Their positive attitude, their willingness to learn, their energy, and effort have blest me each time I entered the dojo. I looked forwards to every class. I will cherish the lessons, the experiences, and the memories that these moments have given to me. I loved being a Sensei. Ah well.. such is life, love, and the pursuit of the Martial Arts.

I will still continue walking the path, but now I will do so with more experience, and with higher selection as to what I allow to influence me. I seek to climb no more mountains, but chose rather, to understand myself, my personal expression of karate, and my contribution to the future of Martial arts.

My first student to suffer..

Tonight, for the first time since I started teaching, one of my students suffered the experience of having to run to the washroom to throw up. I've seen this happen during karate training more than once, but this is the first time that I've been the one causing it.

I stood there accessing what I had asked the class to do, wondering "Was I asking too much? Gee.. I thought that I had really brought the demand down due to the heat."

Yes, it was hot in my dojo. The temperature outside was over 30 degrees celcius, and my dojo was not air conditioned. I was wondering if any of my students would show up to train in this heat. There were more than one exercise program that has been cancelled at my facility due to lack of attendence. To my joy, and pride, 99 percent of my students came to train, and they came EARLY! They were all there to greet me. One of my students was out camping.. lucky one.

When we first entered the room, it felt cooler than anywhere else, but that didn't last long. As soon as we did a few exercises, we all felt that we were training in a sauna.

One of my poor students lasted the first quarter of the class time, but suddenly had to rush out of the room. Luckily, I had an older male student to accompany him to the washroom, and provide support. I'm glad that the washrooms are just across the hallway from our room.

I hope that this heat wave passes soon. Up until now we've been having a really wonderful mild summer.

My facility is going to be doing some renovations in September. Let's hope that they consider installing air conditioning.

On vacation

2 weeks of no Kyokushin classes due to summer vacation. I've been missing the routine.

Sure.. I still had Shotokan to attend, but for some reason, it just wasn't enough for me. I guess I'm just a karate addict.

Yes.. I added training at home. It's different to train by oneself. I sped up the bunkai sequences into almost fighting speed, and did a half hour of training in 12 minutes. Talk about breathless at the end of it! My kicking exercises were done in smaller portions as I would do 20 kicks, put away some clean dishes, and then do another 20 kicks.

I found myself doing my sit ups, push ups, and other conditioning exercises as I watched t.v. with my husband.

Kata, and Bo training was in the backyard, and well... my grass didn't like that much.

I caught one of my Basic Kyokushin Kata on video for a friend from a forum. I can share it here for your entertainment. It's called "Kihon Sono Ichi", and according to the more experienced Kyokushin Karate-ka, this kata is mainly performed by Canadians. It is not found in the other Kyokushin dojo around the world.



This first video is being performed on the street in front of my house. Notice: I'm wearing Gator shoes. I was concerned about glass, and rocks. The feel of those shoes on my feet truly made kata more interesting as they shuffled around.

I'm doing the next kata more slowly, emphasizing the movements. I shifted over to the grass to avoid the cars that were driving down the street.



I just thought that I'd share this with you. Why waste a perfectly good set of videos?

"Shotokan Secrets": What an awesome book to read

Summer time gives me the chance to read up a little on my favorite topic: Karate.

Shihan Colin was extremely generous, and offered me the chance to read "Shotokan Secrets" by Dr. Bruce D. Clayton. Thank you so much for your gift! I thoroughly enjoyed it

I could barely put the book down. Dr. Clayton makes history come alive in your hands as he describes the environment, lifetime, and events that Master Matsumura, and Master Itosu faced which brought forth the hard-style type of karate which would later evolve into Shotokan, Wado, Kyokushin, Tang Soo Do, Tae Kwon D, etc.

This book looks at various aspects of training in karate through different lenses, and makes the concepts contained in Kata come together with flourish.

Containing images from past lithographs, and sketches, this book transports the reader into the mindset of the Masters, and opens up new outlooks for the modern practioner.

"Shotokan Secrets" Is a great addition to a Martial artist's library!

My backyard lawn is getting eaten up by my feet

It was a great day for training outside this morning. One enjoyable thing that I noticed was that each time I sent a kick there would be little bits of grass flying from my toes accenting each kick. Well.. that encouraged me to do my Kyokushin Kicking kata: Sakugi Taikyoku sono ichi, ni, san, yon. I learned pretty quickly that there is a dip in the level of my yard, and an incline in the other direction. Balancing on one leg, turning with balance and sending a side kick in a 90 degree direction became extra challenging as I faced the bumpy surface of the lawn, and the slanting of the yard. Roundhouses were fun to execute also as my support foot had to adjust for so many different variables as it pivoted. I found myself leaning too much this way or that way, and catching myself as I overcompensated. The kata wasn't as graceful, but it sure was challenging.

I pulled out my Bo staff, and worked in the open air enjoying the freedom of being able to swing it around freely. There were no interruptions, just me, the wind, the grass, and my Art.

Then Mother Nature saw fit to start the rain. I debated with myself with a smile thinking how nice it would be to train in the rain, but since it was time to make lunch, and I was just wearing a T shirt, I decided to go indoors.

I finished doing my kata training in the backyard, for some reason I was looking down at the end, and suddenly I saw tons of bare muddy patches where grass used to be. To my dismay, my feet had chewed away at the grass. I could count at least eight 4 inch big patches of mud in a square foot. Sigh... This is similar to how dogs will wear away the grass beside the fence. I could see my neighbour pointing to the muddy patches and saying to my husband "yeah.. it looks like you've got black belt problems."

I will have to be gentle on my lawn otherwise it will all die away. I'll have to give the lawn a week or two to recuperate before I train on that patch again.

I don't have a Kyokushin blog.. so this is the place

"But green's the color of Spring
And green can be cool and friendly-like
And green can be big like an ocean, or important
Like a mountain, or tall like a tree

When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why
Wonder, I am green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful
And I think it's what I want to be" From Kermit the Frog's song "It's not easy being Green"

I received my belt rank promotion last night. I'm green.

You know what? When I started training in Kyokushin, I really never aspired to be anything other than just happy to be allowed to condition my body, and learn with the other students in that dojo. It was a delight, and a inner shock to see that 4th kyu Green belt being placed around my waist. This was one of the colors of all of the Sempai, this was the color of someone who had some idea of what to do during class.

I'm green. It's not just the color, and rank that fills me with joy, it's the recognition from my Sensei that I can be of service to him as one of his lead belts in his dojo. I received the impression that I had performed quite a worthy effort during my belt rank test, and that my Sensei was VERY satisfied with my progress.

My heart fills with trepidition that I'm only 3 ranks away from Shodan in Kyokushin. There is a wailing ( almost sorrow ) within me. I know what Shodan means now, and how it changes one's training, and focus. It changes how you are taught in the dojo. It almost seems that achieving Black is similar to someone shifting over on the driver's seat, and handing you the reins with the words "You know what to do, now go ahead, and drive.." One of the reasons that I LIKE being a Kyu rank is that I love the journey, and challenge of each level of learning. It also changes how others see you. So many times I've seen new white belts cringe at the thought that I am their partner in Shotokan. They see my Black belt as a fearful thing, and I can see their eyes shifting around looking at the other lower belts with longing. It takes awhile before new students start to understand that I can be a wonderful partner since I can adjust, and control my strikes, and I can help them achieve their goals. .

Such opposite feelings rage within me. I'm happy, and joyful to receive this promotion which allows me to be one of my Sensei's lead belts, and to be allowed to share in helping other students learn. Yet, I grieve how much closer I am to autonomy.

Yet, is that not another one of my goals? I could not stay a child all of my life, I had to grow up, become responsible, and embrace my independence.

I do have one consolation. As an adult, I have found a way to allow my inner child to express herself, and continue existing in a supportive, and positive way. Perhaps I will find a way to keep the kyu level experiences of discovery while at the same time maintaining my Black belt maturity. I haven't found that balance yet in Shotokan, but then it took awhile for me in life to learn to allow my inner child to exist how can I expect instant knowledge of how to balance Beginner with Master within me.

I am just a few moments away from becoming a double Black belt in two arts. How did that happen?

Exhausted...

Beyond tired..

Beyond thought..

But I feel so satisfied. Gee.. that sounds crazy.

I'm so sore that I woke up at 3 am from the pain, and the only way to get back to sleep was to go sit in a hot bath to relax my suffering body. Yep, I had just gone through a Kyokushin Belt Rank test.

I'm not done yet. I've still got Breaking boards to do. Therefore, I cannot tell you whether or not I passed this test.

Essentially, passing doesn't seem as important to me as the fact that I faced this challenge, and gave my utmost to each moment. Let me tell you.. they were LONG moments.. very long exhausting, roll your eyes to the back of your head, fall over wishing you were dead, moments.

At one point, my mind said "I want this to stop!", my body agreed totally, and I felt myself wilting, then somewhere in the depths of me my spirit said "I'm beyond this, I'm above this, I can handle this..." I felt myself focusing on my breathing, my whole mind centered on that little spot within the bottom of my body and feeling the air coming in, and down, and swirling at my center. The rest of me had this "Oh well.. we might as well do what we can to keep on because there really is no other choice right now." I found myself moving, blocking, and attacking with such a calmness that I had never felt before.

The only other time that I've felt this sort of feeling was this one time in my youth when I had done a little cross country running. I had ran into the Wall that is mentioned by many endurance runners. This Wall feels like you have no air, you have no energy, you feel like your heart is going to explode, but if you can keep going in spite of these awful feelings, you gain a second breath, and then you feel like you can run forever. I had managed to run past the wall, and surprise myself with the renewed ability. This only happened once, but I still remember that moment with a smile.

I'd like to say that I gained a second breath during my belt test, but it wasn't like that. It was more like I was still on my first breath, but I had figured out how to make it stretch a little farther.

Today, I'm exhausted. VERY satisfied with myself, and my effort, but I'm feeling the results of it... ALOT!

No wonder journals are good for you!

"Brain Scans Reveal Why Meditation Works

Melinda Wenner
Special to LiveScience
LiveScience.com Sat Jun 30, 1:35 PM ET

If you name your emotions, you can tame them, according to new research that suggests why meditation works.

Brain scans show that putting negative emotions into words calms the brain's emotion center. That could explain meditation’s purported emotional benefits, because people who meditate often label their negative emotions in an effort to “let them go.”

Psychologists have long believed that people who talk about their feelings have more control over them, but they don't know why it works.

UCLA psychologist Matthew Lieberman and his colleagues hooked 30 people up to functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machines, which scan the brain to reveal which parts are active and inactive at any given moment.

They asked the subjects to look at pictures of male or female faces making emotional expressions. Below some of the photos was a choice of words describing the emotion—such as “angry” or “fearful”—or two possible names for the people in the pictures, one male name and one female name.

When presented with these choices, the subjects were asked to pick the most appropriate emotion or gender-appropriate name to fit the face they saw.

When the participants chose labels for the negative emotions, activity in the right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex region—an area associated with thinking in words about emotional experiences—became more active, whereas activity in the amygdala, a brain region involved in emotional processing, was calmed.

By contrast, when the subjects picked appropriate names for the faces, the brain scans revealed none of these changes—indicating that only emotional labeling makes a difference.

“In the same way you hit the brake when you’re driving when you see a yellow light, when you put feelings into words, you seem to be hitting the brakes on your emotional responses,” Lieberman said of his study, which is detailed in the current issue of Psychological Science.

In a second experiment, 27 of the same subjects completed questionnaires to determine how “mindful” they are.

Meditation and other “mindfulness” techniques are designed to help people pay more attention to their present emotions, thoughts and sensations without reacting strongly to them. Meditators often acknowledge and name their negative emotions in order to “let them go.”

When the team compared brain scans from subjects who had more mindful dispositions to those from subjects who were less mindful, they found a stark difference—the mindful subjects experienced greater activation in the right ventrolateral prefrontral cortex and a greater calming effect in the amygdala after labeling their emotions.

“These findings may help explain the beneficial health effects of mindfulness meditation, and suggest, for the first time, an underlying reason why mindfulness meditation programs improve mood and health,” said David Creswell, a UCLA psychologist who led the second part of the study, which will be detailed in Psychosomatic Medicine."Article

These results might explain why I feel better after I have written down my thoughts. I've done that type of thing since I was a child; journaling my emotions, and thoughts. I've always found myself to become more grounded and less emotional after I had typed out, and looked at all of my responses to the various things that were bothering me. Perhaps by taking the feelings within me, assessing them, labeling them, and all of the other mental activities that are required to write things down I was able to use my right ventrolateral prefrontral cortex more than my emotional center.

NOW..... Is this transferable to moments in sparring? There is no way that I could pull out a paper and pencil during a sparring moment to document my feelings and name them, but perhaps just a mental shift of thinking from "feeling" an emotion such as fear, anger, frustration, etc. to naming it might help control those feelings, and turn on the calm logical center within me. Can I train my mind to state to itself "I am afraid of the oncoming attack, but I can handle it."? Gee... that takes quite a while to form a phrase like that in your mind. Sparring moments, actions, and decisions happen in milliseconds. Maybe I can bring the naming of emotions down to a sudden thought of the word "Fear", "Anger", etc.

I can't see that small action changing what happens in my mind because there is no solution to the problem. Gee.. it could even worsen things, couldn't it? For example, if I'm afraid of snakes, and I stand in front of a snake, and say to myself "Yep, I'm scared." By focusing on my fear over the fact that this little gardner snake is moving before me, would I not edge myself into a panic? I would think that I would need to start analyzing the fear, and talking logic into myself as to how I can handle it all.

I'm thinking that the goal of a Martial Artist is to attain a mental disposition of calm, and logic before the sparring session, and then to maintain it throughout. I think that we train to be able to treat fear, anger, or pain as a non-issue during a fight. Before, and after a fight.. that is a different story. The better we can understand ourselves, our emotions, and how to handle them, the better a Martial artist we can be. As I consider this part of training even more deeply, I think that our goal, when we are fighting, is to knock our opponent's mental solidity off, and to instill fear, etc. in them in order to make it more difficult for them to cope with the fight.

So then what do we have when we are sparring with another Martial artist? We have two people ( or more) attempting to break through the mental training of the other person and to create unbalance meanwhile the other person struggles to do the same to you. Like two people pulling at a tug of war, the result is that both will become stronger. However, I'm thinking that care must be taken to realize the level of training of the person in front of you when working together in a dojo. The mental environment of a person is really based on past experiences, and is a very variable place of advancement. I would not ask a 5 year old child to attempt to lift 200 pounds, neither would I ask a timid partner to handle extreme agressiveness.

Attacking the striking limb

I was working with the various moves of kata, and the concept of "Treat your opponent's hands and feet as swords." popped into my mind. I remember reading this exhortation in one of Sensei Gichin Funakoshi's books.

I thought to myself "How possible is it to strike an oncoming punch/ kick?" Man, those things come in pretty darn fast. One would have to have MUCH experience, and be faster than their attacker to succeed.

However, if someone was holding a weapon in their hands, we'd want to anticipate, and catch the arm of the strike before it develops to it's full potential. We'd want to disarm our opponent so that they cannot use that extension to their attack range. We might wait until they have commited to a full extension, and then strike the arm to damage it, but that would be our second choice. I was watching this video documenting the knowledge of Sensei Uehara, a Budo Master:



He would just walk forwards with strong balance, and perfect timing, and deflect the attack before it had a chance to exist in fullness. Watching Sensei Uehara made me aware of how much energy I'm applying in various directions when I spar rather than just handling the moment. I understand that my efforts are necessary learning steps. In time I will develop the timing, proper stance, proper distance, and proper applications of the blocking hand to be able to anticipate, attack, and deflect an oncoming strike at the same time.

Then it dawned on me that Kata was designed with all of that in mind. We are anticipating, stepping forwards, and stopping an attack BEFORE it can develop. This would explain why the majority of "blocks" are done moving forwards in the Heian ( Pinan) Kata instead of stepping back. The only time that I've had to step back in a kata has been in Bassai Dai.

It's going crazy around here..

Belt rank tests, piano recitals, awards ceremonies, Junior high school grads, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. etc. You know.. all of the "End of the year" events.

My hands have been so full, and the fact that the children have no classes at school makes things difficult for me to keep up with housework, and at home training. The kids and their friends are socializing in my home constantly. This is good, actually, because then I can keep an eye on them.

My day has been expanding into my night. I've been staying up hours past my bedtime, and waking up hours early. I've been commandeering my children into chores just to free my hands for other things.. especially karate.

I'm facing the chance that I might be testing in the next two weeks for my next Kyokushin belt rank. I want to be ready for that, or at least as ready as I can be. I've added extra training to my weeks, but I also tried to respect the fact that I do not want to overtrain ( and thereby weaken myself.) That's such a hard balance!

I still have to purchase boards for breaking, and ink for printing up my essay. I might have to write my essay up in handwriting. Money has become tight in our household due to all of the birthdays packed into these weeks.

It's all good stress.. but it's there, and saying "Hey there.. how much do you think you are capable of?"

Pulled something in my shoulder last night

I was doing fine. I was improving. Sure.. 4 months ago my shoulders started giving me trouble with push ups. I couldn't do ONE without awful sharp pain radiating up into my neck. I couldn't figure it out. I had been working towards building up my push ups, and had managed to get 40 regular push ups in a row without stopping. Then these sharp slicing knife-like pains took over my shoulders. In fact, I couldn't raise my elbow above shoulder level anymore. All Jodan ( head high) strikes, and blocks were painful for me.

I had to do something, figure out what was wrong, fix it, and then rebuild. For a couple of months I removed ANY weight bearing activity from my day. (Including my housework such as carrying a bucket filled with water to mop the floors.. instead I'd push it with my feet ) In the dojo, with my Sensei's permission, I adapted all of my efforts. All techniques were done at chudan level because I felt no pain there. I did sit ups instead of push ups. At home, using 1 pound weights to start and building up in weight load, I started a full spectrum shoulder exercise routine to build up all of the various muscles in my shoulders so that they could work as a unit and help each other. Icing my shoulder's most painful spots three times a day, and stretching them twice a day became a routine for the first month. Also, I worked on having proper posture during the day to support my back, and shoulder muscles so that they could heal. I put aside all Bo staff work.

Through all of these efforts, I brought my ability to use my shoulders back up. Yesterday, in class, I was able to do around 80 regular push ups interspersed throughout class with no pain whatsoever. Then, with the satisfaction of what I had achieved so far, I attempted one of the more demanding push ups. (The 5 fingered push up) After only 3 successful push ups, I felt a sudden painful tearing feeling behind the scapular of my shoulders. Not good.. I swear that all of the blood left my face as I stood up from the ground feeling a burning hurting feeling on my back.

Why? Why did that happen? If I can do normal push ups without pain, why would shifting the position of my hands on the floor cause me such injury? If I wasn't a Martial artist with a few years of mental control under my belt, I swear that I would have broke into tears right there on the spot. I knew that I'd have to go home, ice my shoulders, stop carrying heavy things again ( back to shoving things with my feet), put my Bo staff training aside, rebuild my muscles..

*HEAVY sigh... big heavy sigh*

Maybe it will not take as long to heal, and rebuild this injury since it's a recent one that I supported right away with the R.I.C.E. ( rest, ice, compression, elevation) method.

Streaker in my Shomin wall

Let me explain:

Mizu Dojo's Shomin wall is actually a panel of windows overlooking a lawn bowling green with lovely trees surrounding the area.

Each class, when we start, and end, we kneel facing the wall of windows, and do a traditional bow in ritual with Mokuso, and Dojo Kun.

Today, at the end of class, I knelt in front of my students, and closed my eyes to the command being called by one of my lead belts of "Mokuso". Peace flowed over me, and through me, although all of my muscles were stiff and sore from the previous night's hard training. It was difficult to ignore the aches, and pains, and bring myself to stillness.. but I managed. When my student commanded "mokuso yame", and I opened my eyes, I was greeted with the sight of a naked cute happy little 3 year old girl wearing nothing but a baseball cap on her head, running back and forth on the springy grass of the bowling greens enjoying the sun on her skin. Her father was standing out there watching over her.

I couldn't help myself.. I broke into laughter, and announced to my students "There is a naked girl in our Shomin wall! Can you see her too?"

Well... a sound of shock, and giggling filled the room as we witnessed this sweet little girl bending down to pick at the grass and innocently mooning the whole dojo.

My student barely could get the words of "Shomin Ni Rei" out for all of the suppressed laughter. We all bowed towards the naked child.

Then I turned and faced my students, and my student called out "Sensei Ni Rei".

I could see that all of our shoulders were shaking with the effort to not laugh at this moment.

As I walked off of the Dojo floor, I exclaimed, "Oh Man! I've GOT to put this on my weblog!!!"

I will never forget the day that my Dojo bowed to an innocent naked 3 year old streaker's bare butt.